a Little Bit of Balance

A few days ago I posted a long whiny diatribe about all the things going wrong in my life. In an effort speak some positive things to life and out of complete disgust with my pitiful bitching, I’ve decide to compile a list of all the things I’m thankful for. So here we go…comfy?

1. I’m thankful for Joy because loving her is by far the most significant thing I have done with my life. She’s taught me to be kind, patient and loving…with myself. And even when I was at my worst she loved me in the purest and most unconditional way. In her words, “honey I’d still love you if you were a man.” And I couldn’t have put it any better myself.

2. Reka is one of the most AMAZING women I’ve ever met in my life. She’s not perfect because she’s human but she’s genuine, kind, and loyal. She would give me the last dime in her pocket because she just would. That simple. Her unwavering faith in god and in family inspires me to no end. When I was growing up I was mostly all alone and I always prayed for a big sister to watch out for me so I’d never have to feel alone again. And now I don’t.

3. I appreciate Almost Fiance for showing me the kinda love I’d always heard vague rumors about but had never seen in real life. Loving him is so easy. There don’t have to be long, drawn out, emotional arguments, putting each other down or drama. Love is having someone in your corner even when you do everything you know to push them out, even when you do everything you can to show them you’re unworthy. Love is when they stick around long enough to prove you wrong. And god when you finally let someone love you…its an amazing thing.

4. I’m so grateful for Shani. Why you ask? Because Shani has great timing. So you’re probably thinking to yourself, what the hell does that have to do with anything? Well I mean emotional timing. Shani has an inherent way of connecting to another soul and I’m grateful for the fact that she always seems to know when I’m ready to talk, when I just can’t bear it, and when I’m ready to hear what I need to hear. That is priceless.

5. I’m grateful for my little brother who won’t let me take me so damn serious. He shows me what its like to be a kid even when you’re not and he’s 15 and still thinks I’m the coolest fucking sister there is. And you never get to a point where you don’t need to hear that.

6. I love going to Howard. I love everything about being a Bison. It hasn’t been easy for me but I’m proud of myself and I wouldn’t trade my education in the classrooms at Howard and out for anything.

7. I’m grateful for family. And by family I mean those people who aren’t even blood that love me, are invested in my success, and took care of me at time when my blood family couldn’t. Not everyone has another support group to fall back on and even though I don’t always use them, I know they are there.

8. I’m glad I feel in love with First Love so young. He made me set the standard for how I will demand to be treated by a man for the rest of my life. Most women search for years until they find the template, and I got mine on the first try. And well, that’s just fabulous.

9. I’m soooo thankful for the ability to create. I realize that its both a responsibility and a gift and I don’t know where I’d be or who I’d be if I didn’t write and sing and act and dance.

10. I’m grateful for thinking too much. Sounds crazy I know, but I see things, feel things, know things that most people miss during the human experience because they’re so busy trying to get through it.

11. I love having my friend C in my life because he can always make me smile. Always. Without fail. He always knows just what to say to make me feel like I can go just a little bit further.

12. I’m thankful to have a father who, although he wasn’t perfect, works sooooo hard for his family. I have rarely if ever seen many men make the kinda sacrifices he makes for us. Who can say that?

13. I’m grateful for my stepdad too because I know that no matter what my relationship status that there’s a man who loves me like no other who’s only a phone call away if I need to talk or even if I just need to hold the phone. I love him because he always has a goofy joke for me just when I need it and that may seem so small and insignificant but not when you haven’t heard yourself genuinely laugh in forever.

14. I’m love the fact that I’m stubborn, willful, and decisive. Most people probably look at those things as though they are negatives but I’m glad I am. No one walks over me, no one takes advantage of me and look at it this way…if I’m all those things for myself I definitely will be for you too. Which brings me to…

15. I’m grateful that I’m so loyal. There are few people I call friends. But those few that I have I would do anything in this world for and I know that they know that. I’d lay down my life for any of them in a sec because they are all more than worth it.

16. I’m thankful for Kyle because he makes me think. He always has a way of telling me things I should know for myself without being condescending or hurtful. Not very many posses that gift.

17. I’m appreciate wisdom born from pain. I’ve been through a lot in my life, much more than most 21 year olds I know. And though it hurt, sometimes still hurts, I’m thankful for it. Because I am by far one of the most thoughtful and empathetic 21 year olds I know and I try so hard to make sure others don’t have to feel pain as I have.

18. I’m thankful for mercy and for grace because Lord knows I’ve done things that I’m ashamed of and yet somehow good things still come to me anyway. It is because of nothing I’ve done so great.

19. I’m probably most thankful for being a cynical optimist. Meaning simply that while I seem a cynic without, I’m actually very hopeful within. Its just hard to show sometimes. The optimist in me means I’ll never lose hope, the cynic in me just keeps me grounded. It’s a nice balance.

20. I’m thankful for peace. Not the in the middle east kind, but the internal kind. I don’t have it yet, but I know its possible. And I’m glad to know that it exists so I can achieve it.

Now that I got me started I could go on forever thinking of a million more things but I’ll stop. But I certainly realize that things aren’t as bad as being negative would make them seem. Truth is, I’m a lucky girl. And you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who has as much to be grateful for as I do.

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