How Modern Day Technology is Ruining Interpersonal Relationships: a Dissertation

Modern day technology is making me realize that I don’t have to actually talk to people. Ever.

No, really. EVER.

Thus ruining all my relationships.

The end.

(And you people thought dissertations were long. Do you see my amazing?)

But no really. Technology is making it completely unnecessary for me to ever have another conversation with anyone EVER.

Take for instance my sidekick II, which, benevolently bestowed upon me by boyfriend (you know the more I say that the more it seems right), means that I never have to speak to anyone ever again. I mean why actually TALK to someone when I can text message, unlimtedly might I add, forcing them to be brief, concise and to the point, totally doing away with that whole “hihowareyouhowsyourdaywhereareyouwhatsup?” bullshit. I love it. Why talk when I can instant message or email? Why pick up my phone when caller ID tells me who’s calling, you can leave a message and I can decide if I wanna call you back. (Screening, btw, is my favorite practice of all time. Better than faking orgasms, really.) ALL of which I can do from this little piece of magic tucked inside my Coach bag (also benevolently bestowed upon me by boyfriend. 21 was a really good birthday.)

Why type out full words when I can abbreviate?

Isn’t it ezr 4 me 2 do this instead of typing out long wds that rnt REALLY needed?

I think so.

Why talk to someone when I can go to a website and and do it electronically? Why go to the post office to mail something when I can even arrange to have them pick it up when its convenient for me? That’s so nice. And I mean whoever heard of a nice post office worker.

It is sad but true people. I will choose to exercise any of the modern technology at my disposal if it means I don’t have to stop what I’m doing to actually LISTEN to you in the moment rather than read an IM dialogue box after I send this email and pay my phone bill online.

Does this mean technology is totally to blame for my complete lack of ability to spell correctly when I’m writing a paper or to actually hold a phone conversation that doesn’t involve someone screaming, “ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!?” Maybe not. Does this mean that I have grown entirely lazy and a little dysfunctional in society? Probably. But I’m not ready to admit to that yet.

But in my defense, technology is just so COOL. And when I listen to my messages I can always determine if it’s urgent or if you’re upset and if it is then I’ll call you right back and I PROMISE you have my undivided attention.

& if u don’t choose 2 leave a message then that’s ur fault. wut else do we have technology 4?