Falling Down

Listening to “Get Gone”;

Cuz I do know what’s good for me
And I’ve done what I could for you
But I’m not benefiting
And yet I’m sitting
Singing again, singing again
How can I deal with this
If he won’t get with this
Am I gonna heal from this
He won’t admit to it
Nothing to figure out
I gotta get him out
It’s time the truth was out that he don’t give a shit about
– Fiona Apple

Anyone remember that movie Falling Down? Michael Douglass was in it… basically it’s about this ordinary guy who has the horrible day from hell. He gets robbed, his daughter is taken away from him, he gets fired, just all this shit happens to him and he just loses it. He completely snaps. Not in a crazy, I’m-gonna-go-on-a-killing-spree-kinda-way, but in an ordinary painful, understandable, sometimes-shit-hurts-more-than-I-can-bare kinda way.

In my psych class we read about this theory that basically said that every person had the capacity to completely snap and become a total nutcase. The difference, said this theory, was the threshold of pain.

Threshold of pain. That’s interesting. So basically we could all flip out tomorrow if we endured enough emotional trauma and become the things that best selling books and Lifetime movies are made of.

So I ponder this and I wonder… what’s my threshold of pain?

And I wonder if I’m reaching it.

It’s such a funny sensation to be falling down inside and not being able to grab hold of anything on the way down.

Last things in the playlist:

Once I believed in things unseen/ I was blinded by the dark/ Out of the multitude to me/ He came and broke my heart/ Tell mama I loved the man/ Even though I turned and ran/ Lovely and fine I could have been/ Laying down in the palm of his hand
– “Riverwide” Sheryl Crow

When the snows come rolling through/ You’re rolling too/ With some new lover/Will you think of times you told me/ That you knew the reason/ Why we had to each be lonely/ Was it just the season?
“Shoot the Moon” Norah Jones

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