So everyone who knows me knows how much I love my phone. But there are times when I do not like my phone. Like when it cuts off for no reason because I dropped it in a puddle a few weeks ago. Or like when it loses signal for no apparent reason. Or like when my mother calls. But the time I hate my phone the most is when I receive messages that remind me that people are shit.
Anyway, couple weeks ago I get a message asking me the details about some plans I had with some of my friends. No problem right? Except one thing… this message is from someone that I haven’t heard from in MONTHS and has basically written me and all the people I love off as selfish, immature failures who are BENEATH said individual.
Woo saa again.
So… why does this bother me so much? Because from someone who finds so little in me to love, feels that I’m such a horrible friend and person, and would rather cut me off in a self-righteous haze of newfound “power” carefully excused as a pursuit of deeper religious fortification as to not be questioned or scorned for fear of backlash… wait I got a little wordy and forgot my point…
From someone who hasn’t so much as called me and has closed themselves off to building and maintaining meaningful relationships and then has the nerve to blame the world for their emptiness, well that’s just too much for me. And I’m tired of not saying anything. I am tired of people who are so quick to write people off because they don’t fit into their lives neatly and perfectly in correlation to “where they’re going”. Why is it that people are so concerned about the destination anyway? Isn’t the journey that makes you whole, therein including these people you encounter along the way?
Don’t get me wrong. I am a wholehearted supporter of cutting people off. When they deserve it. But thus brings me to the real point of this post… DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES assume that your cutting yourself off from people out of pretense of you being so “beyond” them has anything to do with spiritual, intellectual or emotional growth as much as it does fear. I have known scared peoeple all my life, we are all, essentially, scared people. But to intentionally yet vaguely dismiss someone from your life because you, in your current self-righteous and self-important state, can’t stand to fathom that maybe you don’t have people in your life that you can depend on because you have not allowed for?!? That’s bullshit. You are a bullshit person.
I am all for personal growth. I also recognize that said growth might involve you having to cut some people out of your life. It’s only natural that you grow beyond people when you mature. Everyone has had to go through this, yes? Show of hands? Yes, all of you? That’s what I thought. HOWEVER, personal growth is not at the insult and detriment of others and the relationships that you sustain with them. Personal growth is not about insulting the people who have tried to be present and consistent parts of your life. PERSONAL GROWTH IS NOT SHITTING ON PEOPLE’S EFFORTS AT FRIENDSHIP WHEN YOU ARE COMPLETELY SECRECTIVE, SNEAKY, FURTIVE AND, EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE.
I hate judgemental people. Drives me absolutely nuts. Completely, totally and 200%. Because no one every knows anyone completely. You never know someone’s heart, what they’ve been through, and who’s to say that what you’re going through is any more important or significant than anyone else? Hell, if even Rae can find it in her beautiful heart to have sympathy for me while I’m whining over a breakup while she’s battling cancer, EVERYONE IN THIS ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD CAN BE A LITTLE MORE TOLERANT AND UNDERSTANDING. Judging people because it makes you feel better about your faults, your shortcomings that you refuse to see or are not ready to deal with is UNACCEPTABLE. How DARE YOU dismiss me, judge me, lump me together with the sum of the rest of the world and then send me a message asking if you can join in on my plans!!! That is BULLSHIT. Completely, totally and utterly. And what’s even more disappointing is that people would rather miss out on meaningful, valuable relationships that may not be forever but can be pretty temporarily permanent if only you’d open up and put some genuine effort in, allow yourself to be affected. If only you would show a little bit of who you truly are rather than reflecting simultaneously parts of the personalities you are around.
Novel thought, I’m sure.
So in closing, let me say that if you are someone who feels as though they can judge and preach at someone for not being what you feel is acceptable to your “personal forward progression” then the problem is probably not with the person you choose to cut off. The problem more than likely is YOU. Reflect inwardly a little bit. Maybe if you weren’t so busy crying about how fucked up others have been to you, you could see how fucked up you are in your need to hold yourself in higher regard than you do anyone else. We are all human, we all have faults, we all do things that we are not proud of. But to say that you are better than someone, that you are “beyond” someone, to judge and to make light of their struggles and pains which they have chosen to share with you, NOT because they had to but because they were trying to let you in… well that’s not progressive at all. You’re actually stepping backwards. It’s a lonely life up there atop that pedistal you erroneously placed yourself on. You must really start to feel it around homecoming huh?
Wife have I said too much?