I Promise I am not Covering my Ears and Screaming "la la la!!" at the Top of my Lungs…Wait-What Did you Say? I Had to take my Hands from my Ears

A few things that you all should be proud of…

I got my hair re-colored. No more dark, hood rat roots!! I re-love being a blond (at a slightly darker, semi-black girl friendly hue hue.)

THERE IS FOOD IN MY FRIDGE. And LOTS of it. And healthy shit too…you know, all those fruits and vegetables and shit.

My room is clean. I can see the floor without having to peer through piles of (maybe) clean clothes and paper circles.

I bought cute shoes and undies at the VS semi-annual sale. ALL ON SALE.

I have paid all my bills.

I am working out. ALL THE TIME. (Thus eliminating my need for those court mandated anger management courses. Hoo-rah!!!)

I have money in my savings account.

I am buying a car of my very own next month.

I have been to all…ok MOST of my classes. (I still hate school; some things don’t change.)

Did I mention the food?

I’m doing pretty well, keeping to my new year’s resolutions, getting things done, sending out resumes, planning for life after graduation (how does coming out making 50-60K sound? Who does that straight out of college in the cut-throat, pay-your-dues-in-the-mail room world of television?) Things are falling into place reasonably well for me. I’m totally happy. Not even thinking about that thing I’m not supposed to be thinking about. Uh uh. Not at all. I am all brand shiny new and improved. Woo positivity! Woo moving on! Woo 2006! Woo! and maybe a little Yay!!! thrown in for good measure. (Geesh…all this positivity is tiring.) But yes, TOTALLY not thinking about the thing I’m not supposed to. Nu uh. Not me. I got mind control over myself.

Yeah… I don’t believe me either.

Damn that thing I’m not supposed to be thinking about. I’d done pretty good about it actually. I hadn’t thought about it in exactly 2 weeks. And then I started listening to the tracks on my Dell on random shuffle. Good idea in theory, bad in practice. Why? Because I was not at all prepared when that DAMN SONG came on. And then it reminded me that I hadn’t been thinking about that thing that I am not supposed to be still thinking about, let alone admitting to anyone else that I am actually still thinking about it. And now that I have realized that I went so long without thinking about the thing, it is all I can think about. And I can’t convince myself to STOP LISTENING TO THE DAMN SONG.

But yeah, other than that I’m TOTALLY fine.

I was talking to Mr. Vague last night (the one guy who’s charms somehow refused my “I need to be alone” stance on life. I really should review where the break down occurred with that) and he says to me, “You’re so mysterious.” Am I mysterious? I didn’t realize. I mean, yeah, if ‘mysterious’ means, like, maybe, being slightly a little less than forthcoming when it comes to personal information but I mean I TOTALLY thought that this post was an exercise in concise and explicit writing, yes?

Anyway, it’s 3:09am. How do I know that? Because that’s what the display says on my computer…which is currently PLAYING THE DAMN SONG ON REPEAT. But you don’t know that because I have not admitted to it. Because I am not supposed to say that. Just like I am not supposed to say that I am thinking of the thing which I am not supposed to be thinking about because thinking about it is not helping me not think about it. So it’s a damn good thing that I’m not thinking about the thing because if I were, it would certainly drive me (and all the people reading this) more than a little crazy. Glad I’m not crazy…nope, not a bit, nuh uh, not at all…no crazy here.

Ahh denial. I always did have a love affair with Egypt.

In music…

THE DAMN SONG.

Please someone, if you love me, take my Tamia CD from me IMMEDIATELY.

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