The Change

You ever phsyically felt your feelings for someone change? I don’t mean that in a proverbial way in the least… I mean have you ever been able to pinpoint a moment when you felt your feelings for some start to change?

This happened to me a few months ago. I fought it because it made me sad, because I didn’t want my feelings to change, because I thought, I think, I could want it bad enough for the both of us. But I think I was wrong.

I was lying there, holding the phone, maybe even in the middle of a sentence and I felt it. My feelings for him changed, they just started to die. And over the last few months it has only gotten worse. He called me on my birthday Wednesday and I remember thinking, “Why am I having this conversation? This is so POINTLESS.” Then all of a sudden it was like someone poured ice cold water into my organs. It hit me… there was just NOTHING. NOT. A. THING.

I wanted to feel something, anything, but mostly I just felt sad. Sad that it had all come down to this nothing I was feeling. And wondering if maybe it will always be this way…

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