The Change

You ever physically felt your feelings for someone change? I don’t mean that in a proverbial way in the least… I mean have you ever been able to pinpoint a moment when you felt your feelings for some start to change?

This happened to me a few months ago. I fought it because it made me sad, because I didn’t want my feelings to change, because I thought, I think, I could want it bad enough for the both of us. But I think I was wrong.

I was lying there, holding the phone, maybe even in the middle of a sentence and I felt it. My feelings for him changed, they just started to die. And over the last few months it has only gotten worse. He called me on my birthday and I remember thinking, “Why am I having this conversation? This is so POINTLESS.” Then all of a sudden it was like someone poured ice cold water into my organs. It hit me… there was just NOTHING. NOT. A. THING.

I wanted to feel something, anything, but mostly I just felt sad. Sad that it had all come down to this nothing I was feeling. And wondering if maybe it will always be this way…