Bitches Be Hatin’ Part 2

Ahh bitches. Lol They slay me.

I can’t escape them. They’re everywhere. EVERYWHERE, I tell ya. And they like me. I mean to say they LOVE ME. Like they’re inexplicably DRAWN to me, a proverbial moth to my flame we’ll say.

*Sigh.* I can’t stand bitches.

There’s a fellow blogger out there in the bloguniverse, I’m deciding whether or not I wanna put up the link to the blog she wrote about me and a friend of mine, who is her ex, so you all can see how much the bitch hates me. And I don’t know her. Hahaha! I find this hilarious. I’ll let you know what I decide.

Now blog buddies, allow me to be mean and vicious, as I so rarely am. But in a second you’ll see why people who fuck with me rarely fuck with me twice.

Bitch is such a harsh word. Lets call her Honey. Because that’s what she calls herself and because anyone who knows me knows Honey for me is a constant substitute for bitch. So I guess, really, I’m calling her a bitch anyway. Ha! What can you do?

Oh and just a note, Honey, because I’m sure you’re reading, because I know your type and you’ve probably tried to dig up as much as you can about me to figure out what I am that you’re not, what I have that you don’t, what it is about me that’s so great that he’d “throw your love away” for just a chance with me…

Wait I forgot where I was going with this…

Oh yes!

I know you’re probably reading cuz you’ve probably been all up and through my myspace page, studying me. So since you’ve decided to visit, make yourself comfortable, and let me set your ass straight.

I have a friend that I’ve known for 8 years. Lets call him Babe cuz, yes Honey as you read when you “accidentally” read our texts when you all were at Six Flags, that’s what I call him. (Oh and by the way, yes I knew he was there with you, yes I knew he spent the night the night before, yes I know you slept in the bed together because he doesn’t have to keep secrets from me unlike you.) Now Babe and I have been forever friends. He knows me impossibly well, even down to the things I’ve never told him that he has just intuited. Back when I met him in high school, we were infatuated with each other beyond reason. But the timing was never right; I was with someone, he was with someone, I was a punk scared of being so serious with him after getting out of a serious relationship at 18, I was moving away, and all the other things that seem so pressing and life altering in high school. (Lol) So lets fast forward a few years, we’re both in relationships, we’ve lost touch cuz Honey is super threatened by the girl who hasn’t talked to him in forever, has never even kissed him, lives 900 miles away, and hasn’t been home in 2 years. (Logical right?) We have a phone conversation one night that lasts for a couple hours because we have about 3 years to catch up on. Around this time, he’s incredibly happy with her, and I’m on my way to running down the aisle. He lies to her about talking to me, because, well this bitch is irrationally jealous, and the fact that they’ve been together at this point for well over a year, and it is possible to have a completely innocent coversation is beyond her realm of understanding.
Oh I meant, this honey. Same thing.

Lets fastforward to now…

They broke up months ago. Over maybe the last month and a half, he and I have gotten back in touch. (Pay close attention to the time table.) Not even 2 weeks ago, Babe and I made a decision about our “relationship” which resulted in both of us still being single. But how does Honey see it? She says he “left her for me”. What bitch?!?! (Pay attention to the time table.) Have you lost your mind? Our relationship has nothing to do with yours. And you should really, REALLY not aggitate an aggressor such as myself when you’re not familiar with my ways. When your own obvious weaknesses are on display, you should watch yourself.

And by the way, don’t you EVER question MY best friend’s intentions with Babe again. We knew him way before you, the friendships of all of us being part of the reason he grew into the man you fell in love with, and whether you believe it or not, she liked you and would’ve never disrespected your relationship with Babe. Neither would or have I for that matter. But you wouldn’t know that because you’d rather paint me completely different than my nature. And that’s fine. I don’t care. However, you will NOT do that to my best friend. I will make you cry little girl. We got tenure here; you’re just visiting.

So just to summarize, because I don’t want the big words and long sentences to confuse your idiot brain…

1. I have nothing to do with your break up Honey. Your inability to keep a man did the trick for me.

2. We are not together, but if we were, I still wouldn’t have had anything to do with your break up.

3. I don’t care if you’re still fucking. You two could fuck on the floor in front of me and let me watch and it still wouldn’t change the way he feels about me. Try it.

4. Our relationship has nothing to do with your break up. What we do and don’t do is none of your concern. I invite you to stop venturing to guess about it. The depth of what we’ve created over the last 8 years is too much for your tiny brain to handle.

5. He broke up with you because he was unhappy with your dramatic, selfish, jealous, needy ways. Not because I am nothing like that.

6. Yes, I am better than you. Just in case you were wondering.

7. Yeah, he loves me. Yes, he probably was picturing me the last couple of times you had sex. Can’t relate. Must suck to be you Honey.

8. He’s coming to Houston to visit. No he didn’t make these plans while you were still together because I was not the reason you broke up. If you had the balls to learn the truth rather than paint yourself as the victim, I guess because it’ll enhance your future Behind the Music that will never happen because I’ve heard you sing, you’d know that. By the way, I’m better than you at that too.

I stopped at 8 points of clarity because 8 is my favorite number, also coincidentally the number of years I’ve been friends with Babe (tell me Honey, how long have you known him?), the day of the week he’s coming to visit me in Houston. I wish I could say it’s the number of times he’s talked about you but the truth is, the number is far less than that. At this point you’re just a memory. A distraction, if you will, and now that he’s come to his senses you can’t really, BLAME him can you? A man can only put up with your kinda craziness so long…

Oh! And also, BITCH I TOOK UP FOR YOU!!! When he was angry with you, during and after your relationship, I DEFENDED YOU. Tried to convince him to calm down, see your side of things, not to do anything impulsive and rash, to try to stick things out with you. When he broke up with you the first time, I TRIED TO CONVINCE HIM THAT HE SHOULDN’T. I defended your stupid ass Honey. But you don’t know that. You’d rather make it seem like I was out to destroy your relationship, like he never loved you and you KNOW that’s not true. YOU destroyed your relationship all on your fucking own you insecure, jealous, posessive, childish, mean spirited, weak minded, untalented, drama craving bitch.

Babe hates the word bitch. I love it. Have you noticed?

*ahem*

And now a word from our sponsor:
Babe says:
“I hate to see it come to this…this is low. I hate to hear my friends call her a bitch, but really she brought it on herself. I don’t know why I didn’t expect this from her. But you’re right, she doesn’t have the guts to learn the truth. I’ll be fine but once I come back around I’ve got nothing but a cold heart for her now. Shouldn’t wound what you can’t kill right?”

So really your litle blog did more harm than good, didn’t it Honey? What were you thinking? That your constant assertations of you being “over it” would make it believable? What were you hoping? That he’d read it and feel so guilty he’d come back to you? You’re so desperate for this man in your life you’d rather have him in his guilt than have him in love with you? Or is that something a “classy” young lady like yourself won’t admit to?

Bitch please.

Oh. I mean Honey.

Lemme say this, you don’t know me. This blog doesn’t scratch the surface of how evil I can be when provoked. Think of it in extended metaphor; you know how, when you drop a mouse in the cage of a particularly vicious snake it waits patiently, waiting for the right moment to strike? And then suddenly, before you can blink, it attacks, takes off the poor mouse’s head?

My anger is far worse than that. Don’t push me.

You don’t know me Honey. And your childishness is not something I deal with well. I don’t play games with children. I don’t play anything with them, not even the radio. Your speculation about what is going on between Babe and I is cute but unnecesary. Your unkind words are merely a needle to my sword. I will cut you down before you ever knew to open your mouth. Don’t speak my name again, or anything about our situation because YOU DON’T KNOW and I guard my friends fiercely. I don’t pretend to be the bigger person, to “pray” for you and your happiness. I claim to be the person last standing, no matter what that means for you. Don’t test me. You don’t want these problems little girl.

And one last thing Honey. I may mean nothing to you, but I mean the world to him. So does your opinion even really matter?

One thought on “Bitches Be Hatin’ Part 2

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