Still

I wrote this like 5 years ago. I was having a roundtable preparing for a role in a play I was doing and we were talking about love. After telling someone that I didn’t want to get married, the question was posed to me as to what it would take for me to fall completely in love, what it would take for me to want to spend the rest of my life with someone. And this is what I wrote:

I want someone I can be bare with. I want someone who puts my soul at ease & my mind at rest. I want someone who excites my spirit and stirs my intellect. I want someone who knows me, inside out, completely and totally and never uses my flaws against me. I want someone who loves me for me. Someone who can make me laugh, and make me cry, someone with whom the very attempt at trying to articulate what I feel for them reduces me to tears. I want someone who loves me completely, not fractionally or marginally, just as much as I love them. No more, no less. I want someone who is intelligent, with whom every conversation is just as free flowing, just as inspiring and as the one before. Even when it is about nothing. I want to still be able to talk to him when we are 80, to have conversations even better than the ones we had in the late nights of the adolescence of our relationship. I want someone who isn’t just funny, but is hilarious, who makes me laugh in my darkest hours, and who knows when I don’t need to laugh. Someone who knows when I need to be alone in those dark places and doesn’t judge or feel misplaced in my life due to my need to care for myself. I want someone who inspires me to poetry, someone who I cannot capture with words on a page, for whom I have to tear up a million pieces of paper because the words I’ve written do his elegance no justice. I want someone who moves me to sing and makes me finally understand the words to every love song I’ve ever heard. I want someone with whom every kiss still feels like the first time, still makes my heart speed and my barriers melt. I want someone who is patient of me when my head conflicts with my heart and I can’t find the medium between the two forces. I want someone who encourages me to be deeper, stronger, better. I want someone who needs me, who understands if I don’t always quite know how to need him. I want someone adventurous, someone who wants to go with me wherever my heart may take us and isn’t afraid to let me lead. I want someone who is honest with me, is laid open to me in an intimate way that can only be achieved by carefully built trust. I want someone who will strip me down, but will love me just as much, if not more, when the decorations are few, the distractions are fleeting, and all that’s left is who I am and who I hope loving him will make me be.

Still true.

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