For You

“I have never met someone so dedicated to bullshit. I’ve never SEEN someone so committed to being unhappy.” Psuedo says this to me midway through what will be the third real fight we’ve ever had in our otherwise happy time of knowing each other. It stops me cold. Is this how he sees me? Is that really what he thinks? He’s still talking…
“You catch yourself doing bullshit and you know it. You KNOW IT. Its like you keep waiting for something to go wrong all the time.” Is he serious? This is how I am?

Wait. This is how I am? Seriously? Wow.

I’d never heard it put that way before. I was literally speechless. Like, literally. Speechless. And ladies and gents it takes alot to render La speechless. Even now, thinking back on the conversation, I find myself rapidly losing the words I planned to type. I… well, damn. I didn’t know it was this bad.

I let Psuedo know he was right in hopes that maybe he’ll let up because, truthfully, hearing this man that I’ve wanted to be with happy with for so long say that to me really hurt my feelings.

He didn’t stop of course. Didn’t back down a bit.

And that’s why he’s great, lol. He’s always exactly what I need even when I don’t wanna hear it.

So this is for you Pseudo. I hope that for once I can say all the things I’ve never been able to say to you, even when you ask, even when we fight. I hope you can see that despite what I’m used to, I really do wanna be happy with you…

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