My days feel thrown off. Everything is a little to the left. It’s a strange feeling because I’ve just never felt it I don’t guess. But I feel unplugged. Kinda… off. My days just don’t seem to flow together right.
And it’s all because Psuedo is outta town.
Usually when he leaves DC and travels to destinations heretofore referred to as “Away”, it’s always difficult to keep in touch because he’s doing the family thing and I’m convinced everyone he knows lives in a swamp because his cell signal gets pretty nonexistent. It drives me crazy when he’s away because until then I never really realize how much of an effort we make to include each other in our day to day lives even though he’s in DC and I’m in Godforsaken Redneckland. To not get a message from him when I wake up in the morning feels strange. To not get a text in the middle of the day just because makes the day plod along so awkwardly. I just feel so… off.
The funny thing is I hate being clocked. I hate it. Hate checking in. HATE. Maybe I’m just too independent, too stubborn, too whatever but I can’t stand to feel like I’m being controlled or clocked. But he’s got me doing it. And it’s crazy, because I never have before. And NOT being able to do it now while he’s away is like… it’s got me feeling fuzzy around the edges.
But at the same time I have to fight with myself. Part of me goes, “Do you really wanna feel this way forever? Do you really like being this wrapped up in someone? Why don’t you have a back up plan?” But then another part of me goes, “Girl, you’d be the dumbest broad alive to mess this up. Get it together.” I guess the good news is, I’m fighting. The bad news is that I even have to.