Word of Mouth

I have been so MOUTHY lately. Like, damn I just keep goin’ off at the mouth. I dunno what it is but it’s getting ridiculous now. I’ve always had a mouth on me but in the last couple months it’s gotten progressively worse. Even I find myself rewinding conversation in my head and going, “Did I seriously say that? SERIOUSLY?!?!”

Case in point: Man stops me in the mall. Man tells me I’m pretty. What do I say to him?
“Why are you even BREATHING around me? Ugh!!!”

How mean!

Co-worker says: Does this make me look fat?
I reply: Like a couch.

Ugh! Awful!

Man says: Why do you hate men?
I say: I don’t. I just hate STDs. And it looks like yours is acting up a little around your top lip.


Woman walks into my store with horribly teased, HUGE Texas hair. My (very loud) response? “Is this bitch serious?”


I should be ashamed of myself.

But I’m not.

Maybe so many years of being “good” are starting to catch up with me. It’s like word vomit! I try to close my lips and cover my mouth with my hands, but a little bit still comes out. And what’s sad is that the little bit is horrible but STILL not as bad as what I was GONNA say. I have totally lost the ability to censor myself. Not that I ever was all that good at it, but now it’s all but gone. I’m living in the land of Fuck It, acidic, witty remarks rolling off my tongue like water.


I’m an asshole.

It’s kinda funny.

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