Balls on the Table Bitch!!!

You know what I’m tired of? People apologizing when they don’t mean it. Paris, Lindsay, Nicole, Naomi, Foxy, Vick, and now this Vanessa Hodgins chick.

Ok, so you drove drunk/did a line of coke/killed poor little puppies/threw a Blackberry at a random bitches head/made a sex tape/leaked nude pictures/etc that wound up all over the internet, on the front page of every major newspaper and all. That sucks for you. I’d probably be a little mortified myself. But you’re not sorry, you’re not stressed, nor have you found Jesus you freak/dog killer/inexplicable celebrity. Let’s keep it real, shall we?

You’re not sorry.

You made that tape cuz you’re a freak.
You did a line of coke in the bathroom because you wanted the attention that came with getting caught.
You drove drunk because you knew you could get away with it, rich “white” girl.
You have anger issues.
You are still real hood despite being famous.
You knew better. It wasn’t a cultural or regional thing. You just didn’t think you’d get caught.
And YOU, little girl, you’re just not the innocent girl Disney is trying to portray you as to keep their franchise going.

And that’s all cool. But I’m tired of being lied to. And I know the man upstairs has got to be tired of you envoking his name and carrying around his book just because, like on Apollo, people won’t boo you offstage when you’re singing the gospel.

Just be real. Don’t apologize. Don’t hold a press conference and apologize to your fans and colleagues. Because you DON’T MEAN IT.

Me? I’d hold a press conference.

But it would mostly consist of me saying something like…

“Yeah, I took those pictures. DAMN I look good! My man was VERY happy to receive them. We had SO much fun when I got home.”

Cuz I’m real like that. Get like me.

Balls on the table bitch!!!

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