And/or things that are currently irritating the hell out of me, somewhat in the same vein of Organized Noise’s THYFT.
1. Why you’re surprised that your boyfriend gave you something when you PERSONALLY know at least 2 of the people he’s cheating with.
2. Why I bought a digital camera just because it was red.
a. Why I have the nerve to be pissed that it sucks.
3. Why you’re coming to Houston. What do you hope to accomplish? Are you coming just because you’re jealous?
4. Why I am suddenly desperately wanting to go to San Antonio to go to Six Flags.
5. Why I am abnormally addicted to “Wake Up Call” on Maroon 5’s new cd SO much
6. I’m sorry little boy, I know you’re only 12 or so, but riding the spokes on the back of your homeboy’s bike with your arms wrapped tightly around his neck is real homo. Real talk.
Speaking of things that are homo…
7. Men on certain colored motorcycles. No sir. You are NOT hard straddling Barney. No, a sky blue ninja isn’t ferocious. It IS fierce though, complete with finger snaps.
8. Men with tongue rings. No I’m not turned on by the sound of that shit clacking against your teeth. But I know a couple of my favorite kidz who will, you closeted queen.
9. You and I have matching Louis Vuitton bags. You have a penis. Who’s wrong here?
10. Why are you 6 ft 5 and driving an SLK? Sure it’s a Benz, and I’m sure it’s supposed to be sexy. But it’s not sexy if you have to use the jaws of life to get out at the gas station. And why is it sky blue? Suspect.
*am I generalizing? Yes. It’s still pretty questionable.
11. Why Texans support Bush so hardcore
12. How you think playing these childish ass games are sexy.
13. You order a double bacon cheese burger, large cheese fries with bacon bits on them… and a diet coke. Yeah. Those 30 calories will save you from cardiac arrest.
14. Of COURSE you got caught. You’re the world’s WORST liar and you have no game.
15. Why I am even entertaining this situation.
16. You weight 400 pounds. You have on a belly shirt. Why do you hate my eyes?
17. Conservative or not, you could not possibly think that having an abortion is automatically damning your soul to hell. I bet you’d feel differently if your daugher got knocked up by a big militant black man.
18. Why everyone is against me getting a car with a Hemi in it. What? Yall are haters.
19. You are a control freak and I hate being told what to do. Do you really not understand why we don’t get along?
20. Why people answer my questions with questions. I HATE that. Just answer my fuckin’ question before I punch you in your throat.
21. Why you are surprised at how disrespectful dudes are being when your outfit is barely covering only the parts of you that would be considered indecent exposure. Why are you surprised? You’re dressed like a hoe. What were you supposed to be? A fireman?
22. I know you’re trying me. I’m not slow honey.
23. Why is muffin top a suitable accessory for your outfit Hispanic girl? Is my stomach flat? No. Am I wearing super low rise jeans and a spandex midrift halter? FUCK no.
24. Why does your 9 year old have on a face full of makeup? You do realize you’re setting yourself up for failure, yes?
25. You drive a Miata. I drive an SUV. Who will win in this crash? Exactly. Stay in your lane nigga.
25a. To that end, have you ever heard of a person killing a car? No? Me neither. Now get the hell out the street bitch.