First Day

Seriously, I was having problems. Black button down? Navy blue belted shirt dress? Black pants? White pants? Gray pants? Pumps? Flats? Sandals? Hair straight? Curly? Up? Down? So many very important questions.

And then I thought to myself, “Self, I’m the SHIT. Why am I trippin’?”

And that was that.

I settled on white REALLY wide leg pants, the blue shirt dress on top, red belt, red espadrills, hair half up, half down, and some “grown up jewelry” as Shani puts it. I appraised myself in the mirror and noted that not only did I look professional and nicely pulled together, I still looked like ME. Yay!

I was already tired from staying up half the night fighting with B (another story for another day) and lemme tell you what’s not exciting at 8am when you’re sleepy; rush hour traffic. In Houston. Which is comprable to LA or NYC traffic alllll day except with rednecks. Bah! Good music helps though. You know what also helps?

Lets discuss that shall we? Exhibit A…

One of the best things about having an SUV is that it affords me the opportunity to look down on people. Not in a derogatory way, more in a nosey way. Nosey like, hey! You there ma’am! Are you seriously giving your man head behind the wheel at 8am? Who gives head at 8am?

Ok. Good point. Moving on…

You know what’s even better? Ricans in muscle cars. I love my people, but Lord they’re just so… RICAN. So I passed a guy in an old school Mustang. I turned to look at his car. He was apparently enamoured with the tiny girl in oversized glasses with “I’m so Hood” blaring at 8am. Once traffic stopped completely he motioned me to roll down my window. He shouted something to me in Spanish. The bits and pieces I did catch amount to nothing romantic. Seriously? Soliciting THAT at 8am? No mas!

I got to the building and got my ID picture taken. I have to admit that I look ALOT like Mr. Magoo. It went immediately into the bottom of my far-too-large bag. I went and sat in the waiting area and immediately noticed another new hire sitting next to me. I looked up to make small talk and the words caught in my throat when I realized she was studying the Bible intently. Now before you get all up in arms and call me a heathen, its not the fact that she was reading the bible at work that threw me. It was the fact that it was one of those super old school bibles. You know one of those ones that are like as big as your torso with the heavy pages trimmed in gold all leather bound and whatnot that used to sit up on the table in the front of the church? That’s what she had. I thought to myself, “Self how the hell did she even carry that in here?” Lol

We were summoned to our orientation and on the way I passed this big butchy bitch who give me the Oh No Not That Bitch eye. So I prayed my serenity prayer…

“Dear Lord… please don’t let me have to punch a bitch in her throat the VERY 1st day at my new job. Amen.”

And instantly I was granted the peace I sought.

During orientation, the only other black girl and I, TC we’ll call her, started to catch each other’s eye and shoot each other looks everytime the ditzy white girl asked inane questions that go on far too long. (So is mase considered illegal? Is it a weapon? I work a night shift, can I bring it in? Now is it only illegal if I use it? Or if it’s concealed? Is it ok to have it on my keyring? I mean it’s pretty small, its not a weapon right? Does that violate corporate policy or is that ok?) After we broke for lunch, I rode with her and we started talking like we’ve known each other for months. Yay new friend! She’s in a different department than me, but dammit if she isn’t hilarious.

We split up and I got to meet the people in my office. There’s the somewhat egotistical supervisor, the world’s coolest boss, and 2 of the funniest chicks ever in life who have made my first three days there entirely too comfortable and too much fun for me to be actually getting a paycheck to crack jokes. I haven’t met all the technicians who work in our office yet, but the ones I’ve met seem pretty cool, and obnoxiously funny. And there are LITERALLY sports surrounding my for 9 hours a day from all around the country. And even though the commute sucks, did I mention I only have to do it til January when we move to a brand new state of the art facility that is TEN MINUTES from my house?

I dunno what I did to deserve this, but thank God for it.

Work is good! I’m sure I’ll have plenty of good stories to tell ya.

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