"I Enjoy Him" and Other Randomness for Lack of a Real Post

In list form of course…

1. I am unnaturally attatched to candy corn. So much so that with all this Halloween talk, I’ve been reduced to craving it. I actually went out of my way to stop and get a bag damn near as big as my torso. My justification is that I was trying to avoid traffic. However, apparently everyone had the same idea as me as every store I went to was completely sold out of candy corn.

2. Speaking of Halloween (and I promise that this is not just me hating because I never got to participate in any kinda typical Halloween activity as I was always at church) when did kids get so fucking lazy? I saw kids walking about my neighborhood trick or treating that WEREN’T EVEN DRESSED UP. How wack are you? Those kids would get my door slammed in their face. However, the little Mexican baby next door that was dressed up like a dragon… oh he woulda got all my candy, and probably some of my money too.

3. I really need to buy one of those adapter thingies for my car for my ipod. The amount of cds I have floating around my car is ridiculous. At this point, I’m pretty sure the floorboards of the truck are vomitting compact discs.

4. “I enjoy him,” says my co-worker TC in reference to a guy who works in our building who is QUITE lickable. She didn’t know anything about him other than her enjoyment so enter Superslueth La: I damn near had a blood sample and his SSN by close of business. I’m sick with the secretive snooping, lol. And I am DEF stealing this saying. *looking cutie up and down from across the bar* “mmm I enjoy him.” LMFAO!

5. When did it become popular to refer to a woman’s genitalia as bubblegum? Honey you SHALL NOT chew me. And if you do, I’m kicking you in your forehead. Fall back.

6. I hate when people mispronounce simple words like saying “obeast” and “pacific”. I’ma need you to get that together immediately before my irritation causes me to hit you with a flying drop kick.

7. You know what I miss most about east coast living? Really good takeout places. When I was living in NYC, it was absolutely MIND BOGGLING to me that I could get ANYTHING delivered to my place on 116th. OMG! Living in DC spoiled me too: do you know how many times we ordered Danny’s at 2am? I need more of it in my life. I miss the better coast.

8. However, you know what I DO love about Texas? The fact that the speed limit damn near everywhere is between 60-70mph. Which means everyone does between 70-85mph. Right up my alley.

9. Gloria Estefan really is quite magnificant. 90 Milias has not left my cd player since I got it 2 weeks ago. Literally.

10. There is nothing more entertaining to me than riding up on white people with rap music blaring from my speakers. Riding down Kirby the other day, I had UGK on. But you know what’s even better than the white lady clutching her pearls at her chest? Her daughter who had to struggle to hide the look of recognition and pleasure that passed across her face when she recognizes who it was. Hey Mrs. Henderson… you daughter is probably fuckin’ a black dude. He’s gettin’ it in. Guaranteed.

11. I work in an office full of drunks. At any point in times you can hear plans being made about who’s going where to happy hour, what drinks need to be brought to this tale gate party, etc. Someone brought beer to our Halloween potluck. Not a party. Beer. Potluck. Loves it. Speaking of which, next time you’re mixing a drink, try pure pineapple juice and Bacardi Rasberry. Insert orgasmic sounds (here).

12. How did I ever live without chipotle? I really don’t know. And I never plan to have to find out ever again.

13. There is something I find fundamentally attractive about Bun B’s voice. Maybe I’ve been in Texas too long…? I’m not sure. But in my defense, there is NOTHING I find attractive about his face.

14. Another thing to add to my suspect homo male list: Men with small dogs. There is no way on earth you can have swagger walking your little white Pomeranian. None.

15. Speaking of voices I enjoy, is it just me or can you listen to Sean Paul (from the YoungBloodz) talk alllllllll day. I could. *sigh* When is his solo album coming out? God bless the Atl man.

16. Why is the “Make it Rain” Remix the most hilarious thing in my life right now? Just R. Kelly’s part. “Make it rain on them hooooooooooooooeeees!!!!” He sings that shit so HARD. I am LITERALLY cracking up as I type.

17. No ma’am. I wasn’t looking at your boyfriend. I don’t want him. He looks like that thing I hit with my truck that time I drove home slightly intoxicated. Except he looks like what it looked like after I ran over it with both sets of wheels. Tire tracks and all. You can chill with the death grip on his arm. I don’ t want him.

18. I need to add on at least 3 more hours to everyday to get everything done.

19. Since when I was I the person everyone calls to give them advice about marriage? Have yall MET me?!?!?!?!?

20. Someone please keep me out of Victoria Secret. It’s like The Promised Land. And I’d really like to not completely ruin my credit.

I’m occupied for the weekend. You guys write alot so I have something to do at work on Monday!!!