MOTHER*&$#@!

Aiight, so anyone who’s been around my spot awhile knows that this is my least favorite time of year. I am not a holiday person. Usually, I’m pretty grumpy from around Halloween til the point where my first drink touches my lips on New Year’s Eve (shout out to the guy who bought me a personal bottle of champagne last year and LITERALLY put a straw in it for me!!!). It’s been a little better as I am not working retail this year and am not subjected to full on Christmas regalia around, oh Columbus Day or so (do people realize there are like 17 other holidays between the 4th of July and Christmas that just totally get played to the left a la Beyonce?) so that’s been a gift from The Woman Upstairs. But alas, my Holiday Dry Heaves have hit full force. Why?

Because I have NO CLUE as to what to get ANYBODY for effin’ Christmas.

I agonize for MONTHS about what to buy people for holidays and birthdays. I absolutely adore giving people presents. It’s part of the reason I am sometimes late with them; because before you ever even tear the ribbons off the box (and yes I am a BEAST with the wrapping) I have probably bought and exchanged NO LESS than 6 presents before settling on this last one. (I’m pretty sure Joy is the only person who recognizes this. I think everyone else just thinks I am a flake *shrug*) But they are always perfect. And I kinda pride myself on that.

Now while I don’t subscribe to this whole commercial ass holiday, much in the same vein that I dislike Valentines Day I do draw a great sense of joy from giving others presents I know they’ll love. Usually, I’ve had enough random conversations with people throughout the year to have picked up on little things they’ve mentioned liking or wanting. Because I pay attention to the little details, I usually know what I am getting everyone around September, October or so… which is when I try to do my xmas shopping so that I don’t have to deal with holiday mall traffic. This system as worked pretty well for me over the years; I don’t spend Black Friday in the mall huddled in a corner and sobbing because the crowds are too overwhelming, and everyone gets something that they want but mentioned so many months ago that they kinda forgot they even wanted it. They’re happy, I’m at home in the bed drinking and watching Friends on dvd. Everyone wins.

This year, notsomuch.

I got NOTHING. Not even for Joy who I ALWAYS have at least one good gift for. I can barely even stand how utterly ridiculous I am. lol

I’m at a loss. And it’s November. The end of the shit, no less. Meaning everyone is dangerously close to getting homemade cards because I refuse to even drive by a mall or shopping center. At least not if they don’t have a full bar inside whatever store I must visit. Otherwise, I just can’t cope. Online shopping? That’s an option. I’d still have to know what to get you though. See the cyclical nature of my tragedy? lol *sigh*

Oh and also, when you ask me what I want for Christmas and I say I don’t really know but you can get me a gift card and I’ll be happy, I’m NOT being an ass. I really do love gift cards. Like, alot. I like them much more that you buying me something I’ll hate. Plus, I NEVER know what I want. And the things I DO want, are waaaaay too expensive for me to be comfortable with someone else buying it for me. (I have SINCERE issues with people buying me things and spending money on me. To that end, remind me to tell you about a huge fight me and Almost Fiance had back in the day…) So, please stop giving me that “La I’ma Fuck You Up” look when I say that I’m totally ok with gift cards. Because I really am. I don’t find them impersonal or lacking thought. One of the greatest things I ever got for Christmas was a gift card to Target aka the Black Hole of my Paycheck. I was so happy I LITERALLY squealed.

So, the moral of the story is, I need all my friends and family to be more like Joy when I am at a loss for what to get them for Christmas…

*via text… *

I am COMPLETELY at a loss as to what to get you for xmas. What do you want?

I dunno.

*more texts*

I was gonna get you like 5 gift cards and arrange them all pretty in a bag, lol

I would LOVE that! (without an ounce of sarcasm) I was just gonna get you a Victoria’s Secret gift card so you wouldn’t have to worry about semi annual this year.

OMG! That’s PERFECT! (without an ounce of sarcasm)

And that, ladies and gentleman is why I would have her babies for her. I really need to finish that Friendaversay post that’s over a month late… but like the presents I buy, it’s never perfect until a lil while after the fact.