Tricks and Toys

Libby is trying unsuccessfully to hide behind her long brown bangs. The sight of her scrunched shoulders, hair hung low over over sized Dolce frames is enough to send me into full on convulsions of laughter.

“Dammit La stop laughing at me! I can’t believe I let you bring me here!”

I laugh harder and louder, loud enough to draw the attention of the guy behind the counter. I give him the once over and lean into Libby.

“I wonder if he’d be willing to demonstrate some of the products?”

I feign an innocent face as I cock my head to the side and take in the barely contained muscles of his arms under his black t-shirt. I may or may not have purred at him under my breath.

Ohmigod he’s gonna hear you! Shut up!” she hisses at me as I lean a little to watch him bend over to pick up a box.
“Oh I’m sorry what? I was *ahem* distracted.”

He turns and catches us huddling in the doorway.

“Hi ladies.” He flashes the most gorgeous smile I have ever seen on a man I didn’t make up in my head. “Come on in. I’m Eddie if you need anything.”
“Oh Eddie, I need alot of things. Whatcha got?” Libby elbows me and snatches me down an aisle giggling.

“I cannot believe you! You don’t even know him!” she says to me all wide eyed and cute.
“So? How else will I get to know him? Besides, he was kinda the best thing my eyes have looked at all day.” She elbows me again and then takes in her surroundings all wide eyed.

“I dunno where to start La.”
Ok. Let’s start with something basic. Something not too fancy, not too expensive, just enough to do what you need it to do and get you acclimated, and you won’t be mad when it breaks. So none of this,” I gesture to my right, “and all of this is just… wrong,” I say gesturing to my left.

“Oh! I had this!” I say when I notice some familiar packaging. “This may be a lil too extra for you at this point. *pause* I’m pretty sure I broke mine. But it was cheap so I didn’t mind too much. This will do the trick.”

I throw the box at her head and she barely catches it.

“This is cool. I have this. And I dunno what this is but it looks interesting.” I study the box a little more closely. “Oh my God. You are SO in.” I throw two boxes at her. “Hell, I am too.” I take one for myself.

“You’re gonna need this,” I throw a black bottle at her. “And every woman should have one of these.” Another box. “You’re not gonna want to for awhile, but one day you’re gonna want this,” a small box, “and you’ll be SO glad you have it.” I turn around to face her.

Aww, my little girl is growing up.”
“Bite me.”
“No ma’am.”

We do a little more window shopping, discussing some of the things that catch our eye as we peruse the aisles.

“Oh,” I say to her, “I bet this would be good for the water trick.”
“The what?” she asks me with a confused look on her face.
“The water trick.”
“What’s that?” It’s my turn to look at her with the blank face.
“You don’t know the water trick?”
“You know, the thing with the cold water?” She still looks confused. “Jesus. I’m so glad we’re here.”

We spend about another 30 minutes browsing until I make up her mind for her.
“Get this one. You need it.”

She hangs her head at the register while I flirt with Eddie, pays in cash and stuffs the nondescript bag in her over sized purse.
“Let’s go,” she says as she makes a break for the door.

Once we get in the car I am no longer able to contain laughing at her.

Aww honey,” I tell her tucking her bangs behind her ear. “Don’t be ashamed. You’ll be so glad you came… in a manner of speaking.” She bursts into girlish giggles.
“My daddy is gonna kill me,” she drawls at me, her full Texas accent on display

And that’s how La helped Libby, as she has many others, pick out her first Bullet.

16 thoughts on “Tricks and Toys

  1. I had a best friend that once told me that if she had a vibrator she would never have sex again. On her 18th I handed her a brown bag with her first vibrator. It’s still one of our funniest memories. Only a really good friend would help her friend in such a way. You’re a keeper.


  2. For some community service is cleaning up a park. Or even taking a kid to the zoo. Not La…she’s buying friends vibrators. America needs more women like you in The Girl Scouts of America.


  3. LOL…awwwwww her first time. Reminds me of my first trip to The Pink Pussycat.Ok…I consider myself to be quite knowledgeable about stuff like this…even though I try to act otherwise. But..what the hell is the “water trick”??? Maybe I know and don’t know I know, but I need clarification.


  4. She’ll be screamin’ “THAAAANK YOOOOU Laaaaa!!!”I LOVE uhhh…lets call them…Novelty shops.ME and bestest buddy frequent the one near us soo much I think they knew us by such a great pal for that


  5. I remember my first trip to Condom Kingdom… It was weird… I was scared… but I did something good later that day… Good Times, La… Good Times.


  6. Ok so I am slow–what is the cold water trick? I have been to the store on more than one occasion but I don’t know the water trick.


  7. X aww… yeah. I kinda am, lol.Joy you ARE special. You’re the only person I’ve ever bought one for. See? Special!RJ aww… yeah. Come on now. You know me better than that, lolShe BETTER b. good! lolLMFAO Mia! That happened with a friend of mine. I had to stage an intervention a la Charlotte frm Sex and the City


  8. I took one of my best friends her first time, too. She was supposed to call me to tell me if she liked it… I didn’t hear from that heffa for three days.


  9. I knew exactly what yall was buyin, lol. I remember my first trip to “the store”. It was with a friend too.That was so great of you, La. She’ll love you forever, lol.


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