1. Why did I pay an accountant $50 to do my taxes when I coulda did them myself online and still gotten the same (not what I expected) result?
2. Why did yall ever let me get a credit card?
3. Is it shallow that I can’t stop starring at my hips and ass in every shiny surface I pass because…
4. I’m wearing my skinny jeans!!!!!! 🙂
5. I can’t believe I lived without a Blackberry this long. Can’t. Believe.
6. Me > without coffee = cranky. Too bad I have given it up. *le sigh*
7. My hair and I are having an argument. My hair is winning. I fear my only recourse is to Britney Spears it.
8. Why has the appropriate amount of time lapsed and I still have on braces? Sonofbitches!!!
9. Memphis, Baltimore, New Orleans, Chicago, Miami… I’ll take cities I will have travelled to by May for 200. That resolution to travel more in 2008 is really going well 🙂
10. I wanna new tattoo. As I have been saying for 6 months. I am waiting for inspiration to strike. Elsewise I’m just going to start piercing random shit.
11. Hi. I’m La. I screen.
WHO DOESN’T KNOW THIS BY NOW?!?!?!?!?
12. Does anyone else watch Eli Stone? If not, I command you start watching it immediately once new episodes start up. It’s soooo good.
13. Why did First Love call me to give me a piece of his mind for me not calling on his birthday? *blank stare* Did we not break up AT LEAST 17 years ago? *looking around for clarification* My response?
“I’m really sorry. I didn’t know you’d feel some type of way about it.” *blank. stare.*
14. Was it really necessary for everyone to turn and laugh at me in the gym yesterday when I fell? Surely it wasn’t.
15. Speaking of gyms, the stickfigurewithnosoulwhohasabsolutelynoneedforworkingout is gym stalking me. Surely I’m gonna be forced to snap her famished neck in the locker room if she keeps taunting me with her goddamn thighs that don’t touch.
16. I am afraid that my antisocial-ocity has caused me to lose all my friends here in Texas. I’m kinda completely alone. Meh. *shrug*
17. Why did I give up drinking? To lose weight? That was a HORRIBLE idea!!! Can’t I just go on a liquid diet?
And by liquid I mean Bacardi based. But only in moderation.
And by moderation I mean BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
18. I know, I know. You just had a kid. You’re excited about this next chapter in your life. You feel like your life has meaning. You think your kid is the cutest kid born in any year other than 84 (cuz I was the cutest kid born in 84). Miracle of life. Greatest gift of all. Yadda yadda yadda. But jesus could you AT LEAST but your tits away and stop feeding the goddamn thing in public?!?!?!
19. I am desperately in need of some pizza. And why does the TV I am watching at work continuously run Papa John’s ads? Sonsofbitches.
20. I miss everyone’s birthday. First Joy’s, now my wife. *le sigh* Texas blows.
21. For what I am spending to fill up my car these days, I could easily have bought these shoes… and a clutch to match. And some skinny jeans to wear with them. And those dangly hoops I want. And the DSquared blazer I need to live. WTF George Bush?!?!?!?
22. All the time I spent worrying that I was gonna turn into my mother, I look up and now I’ve turned into my daddy. Who knew?
23. I am DYING to see if j.lo’s twins look like her. And if they do, if they look like jenny in her Bronx days or after she got money. Or if they look like Skeletor… I mean Marc. *shudder*
24. Why American Idol? Just. Why?
25. Am I going through quarter life crisis early? I am NOT prepared.