If I Ruled the (blog) World…

I can live with the word verification even though it’s kinda like suffering through bad foreplay before good sex.

I ever understand your feeling the need to beg for comments. Cuz your shit probably sucks.

And I know, I know. You think you’re deep. Except your poetry blows. Even I can rhyme me/we/he/she. BOO.

Sure, I get mildly irritated when I click on a blog when I’m bored at work and they haven’t updated in ‘ever. (not for… just ever.) But I understand how you can get caught up in living life rather than typing about it. I do it too. No big deal.

I can even deal with your long, rambling, nonsensical posts about your clothes/food/fav tv show recap (Joy you too)/fav book/ode to leggings, whatever.

Real talk, I only have one sincere problem with the blogging game as it is now.

Just one.

I started blogging back in early 05. And I recognize that it’s alot different now. Things grow, they mature. They change. It’s all good. I expected it. I recognize that as easily accessible as the blogosphere is now, that not everybody is jumping on the bandwagon because they have something interesting to say or something valuable to contribute, or hell, even because they can write.

But that’s not my issue. And I recognize, wholeheartedly, that my issue is gonna make me real unpopular with my constituents.

Fuck it.

If I ruled the blog world I would do away with the utterz shit ASAP and immediately.

I know, I know. You all love it. It’s the best thing since latex condoms and spanx. And that’s cute…
For you.

Except it drives me CRAZY.

I started blogging because I wanted to read about other people’s lives and experiences and views on the world. Not because I wanted to listen to yall sit and babble about traffic or fashion faux pas or why you’re so fantastic or how you’re looking at a cloud that looks like a spaceship.

I mean, if these are your experiences, then that’s what’s up. But I simply cannot take it. I want to read what you have to say. If I wanted to know what your voice sounded like, I’d call you. That’s what I do with the bloggers that have carried over into my everyday life (which is also why I am currently crazy about him because we just had our first phone convo and he is FANTASTIC and everything I knew he would be). I just don’t want or need to listen to you ramble. It’s why I don’t like video blogs or webcams. It takes some of the talent out of blogging doesn’t it? Isn’t it harder to write something witty or engaging or personal than it is to ramble about the salad that you’re chewing in my ear? Can’t.

It’s like books on tape. It takes something away from the experience.

And plus, do I LOOK like I can listen to you chatter about nonsense and mayhem at my desk at work? NO. Gimme something to READ when I beat my deadlines.

And I know, yall love it like happy hour that starts early and goes late. But really.

Just write.

15 thoughts on “If I Ruled the (blog) World…

  1. I feel the same way about the utterz thing… I just dont get it… it takes the whole essence away from blogging if people can just ramble and post themselves rambling. Who wants to hear that?

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  2. Jam you know you’ve read that poetry that makes you go *blank stare*Anytime Mia, lolmagnolia peach hahaha me neither. I can honestly say I have never listened to not ONE utter. I hope I didn’t miss nothing important. *shrug*Durty aww thanks. I am kinda ridiculous aren’t I? lolStace somehow, without even listening to your utterz, I figured you would be the main culprit of the Rambles, lolWise don’t take your blog apathy out on me. (and yes it was. Many, many moons it has been)SP hey stranger!Canon hahaha no shot. There are some poetry spots that I actually really like. But not everyone is the deep poet they think, lol. But that wasn’t a personal shot at you.Chris there CAN be but ONLY if you figure out how to tell said partner that the foreplay was wack in such a way that excites their competitiveness and eagerness to please but doesn’t bruise the ego. Like, there was this one guy who was notsomuch with the kissing (and I’m BIG on kissing) but when it got to it… He… *collapse* You didn’t wanna know that, but I wanted to share, lol

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  3. I haven’t used my utter in weeks, I think it’s falling out of favor, but I just figured the ladies deserved to hear the sexiness that is my voice, lolReal talk, can there be good sex after bad foreplay…let’s just say I’ve had a couple of women whose lack of skill in that department totally killed the mood.

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  4. You think you’re deep. Except your poetry blows.” DAMN, was that a shot? No Matter, I can def feel you. I;m not really high on the utterz either, because mostly all it is is what you’re gonna write out later… only you haven’t thought it all out yet… why have a blog to write on if you’re always talking? still considered it though…

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  5. hahahahahahahaha. you are marvelous. (ish) (sometimes) i have so many annoyances that i would never begrudge anyone theirs. annoy away. also lmao @ “You think you’re deep. Except your poetry blows.” bwaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha!!

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