The Truth About Barack Obama

The wife turned me on to Slate awhile back and they never let me down. Here is my favoritest thing I have read thus far about the election.

The Truth About Barack Obama

The Barack Obama presidential campaign introduced a new site last week,, that it hopes will debunk persistent myths about the senator: that he’s a Muslim, that he won’t say the Pledge of Allegiance, etc. As we have argued before, restating the myths often reinforces them, no matter how persuasively they’ve been refuted.

Rather than restate untruths about Obama, the campaign would do better to start some rumors of its own. Here’s a template e-mail the Obama campaign might consider disseminating.

From: [Redacted]
To: [Redacted]

There are many things people do not know about BARACK OBAMA. It is every
American’s duty to read this message and pass it along to all of their friends
and loved ones.

Barack Obama wears a FLAG PIN at all times. Even in the shower.

Barack Obama says the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE every time he sees an American flag. He also ends every sentence by saying, “WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL.” Click here for video of Obama quietly mouthing the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE in his sleep.

A tape exists of Michelle Obama saying the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE at a conference on PATRIOTISM.

Every weekend, Barack and Michelle take their daughters HUNTING.

Barack Obama is a PATRIOTIC AMERICAN. He has one HAND over his HEART at all times. He occasionally switches when one arm gets tired, which is almost never
because he is STRONG.

Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach. It’s upside-down, so he can read it while doing sit-ups.

There’s only one artist on Barack Obama’s iPod: FRANCIS SCOTT KEY.

Barack Obama is a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. His favorite book is the BIBLE, which he has memorized. His name means HE WHO LOVES JESUS in the ancient language of Aramaic. He is PROUD that Jesus was an American.

Barack Obama goes to church every morning. He goes to church every afternoon. He goes to church every evening. He is IN CHURCH RIGHT NOW.

Barack Obama’s new airplane includes a conference room, a kitchen, and a MEGACHURCH.

Barack Obama’s skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL.


Barack Obama says that Americans cling to GUNS and RELIGION because they are AWESOME.


18 thoughts on “The Truth About Barack Obama

  1. Jam – SOME of his cigs have the american flag. the rest are red,white and blueSO ARE HIS BOXERS. And Michelle said she purposely designs her hair to look like a mullet. LOL.Gotta love Slate.


  2. @RJ hahaha @ “feeling a certain way about you”. I like Joy’s analysis. And besides, Becks is prettiful šŸ™‚@Joy I have been seriously considering passing it around, lol@Slish I don’t! They find me!!! šŸ™‚@Shani I think my fav is “He is PROUD Jesus was AMERICAN” Bwahahaha! They’re geniuses over there. You can totally write for them. How can we get you a job there?@Ladylee HAHAHAHA! Omg he really should secretly finance some independent group to run a spot allll about how he was raised by white people and loves country music and pick up trucks and brisket and cow tipping, lol@Diva right?! I was like Francis Scott Key though? For real? Outta control. lol@Chris How exactly does one “change the fuck outta shit”? I’m intrigued. Get back to me, lol@Qucifer THATS THE BEST PART!!!@Jam hahaha @ “even his cigarettes have American flags on them”@Monie I’m on it!@Muze I do what I can. It’s either this or drink and… oh wait… *looking at the flask in my hand* Oh well *shrug*@Chris I really don’t think he is capitalizing on this enough, lol@SP it is. But then again so is half the foolishness involved in this campaign


  3. hahahahaha. there are so many funnies!! i wanna help!! barack actually still smokes, just like all the real americans. his cigarettes even have american flags on them. (did you see the NYT article that shows the least educated folk smoke the most and those are the voters he needs so he should smoke and bond w/them?)barack has never eaten a single food item not grown in america, even while overseas. he will not fly in a plane, even a soul plane, unless it was made w/american steel. sigh. idk. YOU PLAY!!


  4. I wish I could find this set of Macros, video, whatever it is of Barack for you to see. It goes “look at this f***ing candidate! you know you wanna vote the s**t outta this b***h! Hell yeah, Obama gonna change the f*** outta s**t!” Just too huhlarious.


  5. LOL @ <>“Every weekend, Barack and Michelle take their daughters HUNTING.”<>LOL!!!And wouldn’t it really scare folks if Obama snatched off his shirt and displayed that Dec of Independence tattoo (with the same amount of fervor that Tupac displayed his “thug life” tattoo)!!And don’t you just love this new commercial that he’s running right now!? The one with the slide show look to it?? I think he should be saying, <>“Hi, I’m Barack Obama, and I was raised by White people!!”<>LOL!!!Yeah… they need to start some rumors of their own! Good idea, you should be on the campaign staff!


  6. Ha! I may just really email this to some people! Seriously! I love that he has the doi on his stomach upsidedown. Sexy. Rashan- people thinking a certain way about you? Bah. You are a sex God, and you’re just checking up on your fellow sex God. That’s all!


  7. This was funny. But more than anything, I’m glad that Beckham’s picture isn’t the first thing on the page anymore. Pull up the blog at work, and got people thinking a certain way about me. LOL


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