Stap on a Pair Part 2: a Palin Call to Serve

Part 1

Thankfully, it seems that the Obama campaign read Part 1 of this series and reformed their candidate accordingly. Pardon me for a minute while I take credit for something I had very little of nothing to do with…
That is the American way, yes?

Because of the success of that first salvo (please, no pictures) I think it is about time that I had a woman to pit bull talk with this Palin character. I tried to stay out of the whole political commentary thing as long as I could, mildly content to shake my head at the events of the last few weeks, and shriek with laughter at the absurdity spewed forth from the Right. I even bit my tongue when I wanted to be effusive about all things Biden related, and how intensely enamoured I am with how resistant to politically correct Biden seems to be. (And that smile!)

But this kinda foolishness I can stand no more of.

So, as is our way around these parts, let’s engage in a little real talk, yes?

I am gonna say the thing that I am not supposed to say because I am a woman, because I am young and ambitious and with the exception of the men I date and the liquor I choose, I am a fastidious judge of character.
No, wait, scratch that. I drink Goose and single barrel Jack Daniels. My taste in liquor is impeccable. It’s just the men I need to work on.

All of that aside, I have one very important message for Governor Palin…

You can’t have it both ways.

You cannot claim to be a reformer and support that claim with outright lies about your record. You can’t say you are all about political transparency and then refuse to cooperate in investigations against you that you previously welcomed. You can’t claim that you are more than qualified to be ‘a heartbeat away from the presidency’ (I will live a happy life if I never hear that phrase uttered again) and yet can’t answer simple policy questions. (Come on! Even I know some of this stuff and my foreign policy experience is limited to the fact that I knew I could drink legally in Spain when I travelled there in high school.)

And even more importantly than that, you can’t claim to be a “pit bull in lipstick” but run from any reporter that isn’t payrolled by Us Weekly or People. Get real.

What’s even more disappointing to me, Sarah, is that you have all the charm and poise to actually be someone great in politics… albeit a candidate I would never support because, you know, I actually champion women and minorities. But still, I imagine you would be the soccer mom super woman that Republican wet dreams are made of. And yet, you continue to put every woman anywhere another decade behind every single time you open your mouth.

We’ll skip the part where I am a hardcore liberal, so much so that I cannot even fathom that there are still women in the world so extreme that they don’t even support abortion in the instance of incest or rape. I’ll even gloss right over the fact that your repeated insistence that the war in Iraq is a “holy war” is no less radical than the Muslims extremists we are fighting who believe their Jihad is a “holy war” too. (And that is a MUCH more plausible reason to compare you to a Muslim rather than just someone’s given name.) I’ll even avoid my severely unpopular stance that I am skeptical of how a mother, not just any mother, but a mother with a special needs infant, fathoms travelling to Iraq with a nursing infant in tow and believes she can manage to be focused and effective. (Then again, who am I to say? I am not only not a mom, but I also wholeheartedly support welfare to work and after school programs and baby sitters and believe that the ‘Supermom’ icon is a dangerous and false illusion that is extremely unattainable and unhealthy. But, whatever.)

We’ll get right to the heart of my issue with you and stick to it…

For all the talk of pit bulls and mavericks, you’ve got no balls.

Despite my liberal and feminist beliefs, I will look beyond the fact that you have essentially given the media a way to call you a bitch every time they mention you. THAT, my dear Sarah, is sexist. And even worse, it is inflicted at your own hand. But to repeatedly claim you can play with the boys, that you aren’t afraid to get dirty, that you’re up to any challenge, only to effectively avoid the media like a one night stand you’re ashamed of, only belies that image. And it furthermore sets up those women that do have the balls to step into any arena and go toe to toe with men for failure. Do you really think, for those men who view women as the lesser entity anyway, that they aren’t scoffing to themselves that for all your talk and posturing, you sure seem scared of a few microphones and tape recorders? Do you think they aren’t, in turn, projecting that cowardice onto every woman they encounter in the world and betting on her being all talk and no action?

Even you aren’t that stupid, even if you did have to go to 5 different colleges to get your degree in Broadcast Journalism. (Shouldn’t that mean that you know how to deal with the media because you are the media? And furthermore, does that mean that you are more equipped to deal with foreign affairs and the economy than two lawyers educated in Ivy League schools with emphasis on Political Science? Just a question. Personally, I care more about that if you are running for vice president than how you drive your kids to school. You can share with me your meatloaf recipes after the election.)

What makes me sad about this entire political season (and I do mean it’s entirety. Despite my staunch support of Obama, I was extremely disappointed in this decision, whatever the reason may be) is that it is more insulting than anything. Even if I weren’t college educated or even mildly intelligent, I could put this two plus two together. The only people who say nothing are the people who have nothing to say. I can forgive even Biden’s early remarks about Obama calling into race into play because at least he’s saying something. The self professed pit bull seems to be notsomuch with the barking. Or even speaking at all, for that matter.

Personally, I am almost glad that you refuse to give interviews and answer off the cuff questions. Who knows what manner of idiot you will make women everywhere look like if you open your mouth again? But at least kill the rhetoric. It’s weak. And it’s tired. And it’s unfair the women who are actually mavericks, and misleading to the girls that want to grow up to be one.

You can’t have it both ways Governor. You can’t present yourself as the perfect soccer mom and working mother, and trot your family out for photo ops and events when it’s convenient and then bristle when people question your “family values” when you have a knocked up 17 year old high school dropout that you are “proud of” who marrying (we’ll see) a self professed “fucking Redneck” and taking pictures downing Maker’s Mark (by the way Fox News, that makes Bristol a ‘baby mama’. Not a wife and mother of 15 years. I expect you to act accordingly. Thanks.) (Remind me to ask you also Sarah, when we share that meatloaf recipe, what on earth would possess you to throw your hat into this already cut throat race, KNOWING your daughter would be faced with worldwide scrutiny of her uterus? Next to Angelina, everyone is gonna be watching this poor child like a hawk. Perfect mom my over sized ass.) You cannot tell us that you are ready for anything and stumble when asked about something as simple as whether or not you agree with the Bush doctrine. And more importantly, you can’t holler about being a pit bull during a teleprompter aided performance billed as a speech that any voice over actor would be proud of, but then run scared from the hard questions, crying sexism and how the boys in the media are being so mean and unfair! Omg! They called me pretty! They’re asking me, like, superhard questions about what I say I believe in! That is so sexist!

Let’s define sexism…

Sexism [sek-siz-uhm]. noun- 1. attitudes or behavior based on traditional stereotypes of sexual roles. 2. discrimination or devaluation based on a person’s sex, as in restricted job opportunities; esp., such discrimination directed against women.


And just so that we are clear…

Sexism is not expecting you to be able to answer a question.
Sexism is not calling you attractive; it is the act of belittling or intimidating you by doing so. But you’re a pit bull! You’re not intimidated!
Sexism is not calling you on your lies.
Sexism is not Tina Fey’s brilliant sketch on SNL.

And by the way, while we are on the subject, please, for the love of God and all things feminist and intelligent, would you please stop mentioning your admiration for Hillary Clinton? It’s insulting for you to even try to insert yourself into the same realm as her. And for those women who, like me, still have a great deal of admiration Senator Clinton despite her obvious gaffes during the primary, it is simply pathetic and infuriating. You called her a whiner, remember? I’d at least respect you if you stuck to your hunting rifles… err… guns.

So tell me, Sarah. Are you “plowing through”? Are you changing and reforming the way the government is run? Are you showing up to the table with the boys, ready to put your toe to the line and some points on the board? Or are you giving 29 second sound bites about lovely baby names because soccer moms are experts on that sorta thing? Well, that and building wasteful sports arenas.

You don’t come across like a pit bull Governor Palin. More like a Yorkie puppy; new to the large world around you, exploring and stumbling, scampering away at any loud noise or sudden movement, rather than finding the power of your voice and barking the obstacle away.

Put your balls on the table Palin. Stop crying sexism and devaluing the efforts to combat real sexism that women deal with everyday. Be the pit bull you say you are. Or go back to Alaska and plant a garden and tell people that using intimidation, abusing your power, and bulldozing people is what being a feminist is all about.