Urban Myth

~ La

“This is crazy.”
“I know, but I have to know.”
“Are you sure about this? My investigative skills are seriously unparalleled.”
“I don’t know if I am totally sure, but I have to know.”
“Lemme get on the computer and make a few calls. Give me a couple of hours”
“Ok. Let me know.”

My friend J is gorgeous. And not like, “oh she’s my friend so I have to say she’s pretty” pretty. She is a damn near 6 foot, model type. Think a slightly more Black looking version of Cassie’s face on Hoopz’s body.

Yeah, chick is COLD.

If that wasn’t already reason enough for me to hate her, she’s incredibly smart and successful, she makes a ton of money, she’s almost unrealistically sweet, and one of the most thoughtful and loyal things on earth next to a golden retriever. Yeah, we hate her.

I say all this to say, she isn’t really the type you woulda wanna fuck over.

Unless of course you’re her fiance.

J has been engaged for a year to Mr. Perfect. Well, Mr. Perfect to everyone else. To me he was Mr-I-got-something-to-hide-because-my-shit-is-always-a-bit-too-together. And before you go all buckwild in my comments hollerin‘ about how women don’t know a good man if they see one and prefer someone all fucked up, let me clarify that I am not talking about simply a man with no baggage. I mean he’s Guy who has a Seemingly Rehearsed Answer for Everything but Never Says Anything. You know I mean?

So they have been engaged for a year, ever since last year when he made a big show of flying home with her for Thanksgiving, asking for her father’s permission, and getting down on one knee after dinner and making her whole family sob at his proposal. They have yet to set a date. And, in the interest of transparency, I will admit that this was mostly her doing.

Or so he would have her believe.

Over the spring this year, they separated for a time. They quickly started doing the whole counseling/dating again thing to see if they could reconcile their differences. They started out with one counselor, but after a few sessions J decided she didn’t like her and they switched to another who started helping them through their issues. By late summer, the wedding was back on, the ring was back on her finger and they had set a date for spring of ’09. Despite everything, their work to reconcile was all good.

Except once.

One weekend he went missing. “Coincidentally” it was July 4th weekend when she would be in Chicago with her friends for The Taste and he would be in the city where they both live “working.”

Now of course Mr. Too Perfect is far too perfect to just get missing like trill niggas would. But suddenly, her calls that always get answered roll to voice mail. He’s responding to her texts all weekend, but his answers are delayed. When they do speak, the convo doesn’t last longer than 10 minutes. just long enough not to be missed.

Over the months since then, they have rebuilt their bond, and started making strides towards the alter. But for some reason, J just can’t shake feeling some kinda way about that weekend.

And that’s when she calls me.

“I need you to find out some information for me.”
“What kinda information?”
“The kind I need to know before I get married.”
“I need his full name, where he works, the kinda car he drives and his email address.”

I will admit to doing this quite a few times over the years. Sometimes it’s as simple as a G.oogle search. If we know some of the same people without them knowing we know some of the same people, I make a few calls. (Even for significant other’s I haven’t met, it’s hard to get around this. I know alot of people. God bless any meccas of young black people up to and including Atlanta, DC, Howard, and NYC.) But in this day and age of technology, there are no secrets. Or at least not for long.

A few hours later, she calls me before I can call her. Her breathing is shallow and anxious.

“You must have found something,” she says to me. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be taking so long.”
“I found something.”

She takes a deep breath on the line. I can almost hear her preparing herself.

“What is it?”
“When’s the last time you’ve been home?”
“Home like California or Mexico?”
“The latter.”
“Oh God. Like, 2 years ago for Christmas. I haven’t been since.”
“Oh yes you have. You went the weekend of the 4th. Stayed from Thursday the 3rd to Monday the 7th at the Hotel Riu Palace Cabo San Lucas.”
“What? No I haven’t. I made a reservation there for our honeymoon.”
“Well, Mr. Too Perfect stayed there that weekend with someone he called his fiance.”
“How on earth could you possibly know this?”
“He wrote a review about it on some travel site. He said he stayed there on those dates with his fiance.”
“But no hotel in Mexico showed up on our account.”
“That’s because she paid for it.”
“WHAT?!?! How do you know that?!?”
“I had the hotel fax me a copy of the bill.”
“Who is this woman?”
“Does the name __________________ mean anything to you?”

There is silence on her end of the phone. I hear her already shallow breathing come faster and harder.

“J?”
“That was our fucking counselor.”
“WHAT?!?!?” I screech, forgetting that I am sitting at my desk at work.
“Yeah. Our first counselor we got rid of. That’s her.”
“Well, you said you didn’t care for her.”
“Now I see why.”
“There’s more, sweetie.”

She takes a deep breath on the other line and I wonder if I have made a mistake in telling her. Even though she’s angry now, I am sure she will be devastated soon.

“Send it to me. Send me everything. He has to get out of my house today.”

I’d like to be able to say that Mr. Too Perfect was a good dude who just made some bad choices. But whether we like it or not, it’s the things we hide that detail who we really are. It’s our silences, not our words, that shade people’s perception of us, add dimension. If the things we don’t say are a shade of gray, consider our secrets the long shadows we cast.

The thing about secrets is that they are never really secrets. They never stay in the dark because really, they are not composed entirely of such; darkness is but a composition of light. The thing about darkness, and secrets to be assumed, is that they are conditional. They are subject to outside influence. And whether or not we trick ourselves into thinking so, they are never just ours to keep. They affect us, yes, but they also hold captive those who share our lives. They sense something behind the scenes even when you say nothing is there. They see the large shapes casting shadows, even when they can’t make out the distinct form.

They use google to go looking for what you won’t tell them because you’re blocking their light too.

There are no such things as secrets.



I hope you’re listening. Because she is gonna catch you.

Published by La

31 thoughts on “Urban Myth”

  1. Some guys just never know what the fuck they have. All about getting their dick wet in something else that ain’t even worth it.Oh well. Tell J it’s Spaceships.

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  2. I’m still waiting for the novel but will settle for a collection of short stories.Ditto Joi on the common name thing. All you see is pics of white men if you Google me.

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  3. Wow that’s krazy. You’re good. You should start your own private eye company. But as they say seek and ye shall find. It’s sad that he did her like that, I hope that she is able to progress and put it behind her.

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  4. I was floored. I’m proud of J for putting him out. It’s gonna be a long hard road ahead for her. The best liars stick to their lie no matter what. Hopefully her love for him doesn’t block her ability to think clearly.

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  5. WOW…talk about fucked up. I’m really feeling for your friend but still glad she had you give her the push she needed to get out of that shit. thank goodness she found out early enough.these situations always amaze me the most when the other chick’s not even HALF the upgrade. talk about hustling ass backwards.

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  6. Oooo, that story could be used in an Ethics class for helping professionals, counselors, etc.At first I wondered if maybe another guy had the same name as this one, but what are the odds of that? A trillion to one? I see at least lawsuits.Her suing the counselor, who should be insured. This would cost the woman her license, but as a mental health professional, I can say that if I was on her review board, I’d kick her azz out, forevah.Him suing the hotel for breach of privacy. Lotsa luck with that in Mexico.On a positive note, your friend was fortunate to find out before the marriage. When boyfriends and girlfriends cheat, it really doesn’t bother me much since they’re free as a bird, so to speak, but the game changes – or should – once folks become engaged.You know what though? I give her a 1 in 4 chance that she’ll get with him again – if she hasn’t already. Don’t expect her to tell you.

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  7. Wow That is crazy. She is lucky to have a good friend like you to find out and tell her even though that may have been so hard to do! No woman deserves to be treated like that and lied to.

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  10. @Joy I am pretty google clean too. That, plus the fact that I am not, I dunno, a sociopathic liar, makes me pretty comfy. *ahem*@Mr. Slish You may wanna send him a pity copy because clearly he is behind in his studying, lol@Relavantly Oh yes ma’am. I started to hate the counselor at first but come to find out she didn’t know what was going on either. @anon. DO IT!!! lol@monie YOU cannot? Imagine my poor friend, lol@Love Strokes I generally don’t condone any destruction of property but I might make an exception for this one…@Rashan Easy. The the person I needed to talk to was a man, lol

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  12. WOW!!! Sounds like one of my soap opera tales of my life! God knows I can relate. All I’m hearing now is Jazmine Sullivan’s song “bust your windows out you car” replaying in my head. not that i’m violent. 😉

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  18. lol…Umm la You know ole boy is a combination of the 2 worse things a person can be in life..STUPID and ARROGANT…Why the FUCK would he leave a review about the HOTEL!!!! He obviously hasn’t read my Sloppy joe Handbook…lol

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  19. Can we sell your services? For personal economy’s sake.I’m clean on google. Having a common name has advantages. If I’m not though, you let me know.

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  20. @Chris BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! “Blood in the Bronco” LMFAO! You’re a mess.@Diva real talk I was soooo happy she asked me to do this because she’s been having doubts even tho she doesn’t all out voice them and we all HATE HIM. But really dude? Reviewing it on a travel site? With your email handle? All kinds of obvious. That shit wasn’t even hard to figure out.@nikki I have cut off plenty of people for what isn’t said. That kinda foolishness just can’t be allowed to stand. I wish more people would listen to their instincts more often though.@a.j. The world may never know. You know what’s even worse? The chick is NOT an upgrade. I googled her too (cuz I’m nosy) and she is just all kinds of loud, wrong and indifferent.@Ladylee I have made sure so that if you google me, nothing comes up but a quote I once gave to a school newspaper. And that’s the way I like it, lol@Jada kinda makes you wanna run a background check on anyone you get serious with, right? lol@mia now you KNOW I was allll about showing up at his house in the middle of the night on some Alias kinda shit, lol@Southern Gal YES girl. Apparently he called her after hours to set up a second appointment and they “started talking.” I’d still be trying to figure out how to get my foot outta both their asses.@Hawa I don’t even wanna know what she’s gonna do… but if she tells me, I’ll let yall know, lol

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  21. DAAAYYUMMM, La! I came here for a good laugh because I needed to read the “Things Obama Should Do…” But now I’m getting an even better laugh at what J just <>might<> do to old homeboy.Please please please. If you EVAH had to follow-up a story… this is the one!Hawa, author of< HREF="http://www.fackintruth.typepad.com" REL="nofollow">Fackin Truth Blog<> (Personal Blog)and< HREF="http://www.CleanseMasterRemix.blogspot.com" REL="nofollow">Cleanse Master Remix<> (Health Blog)

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  23. I can’t. I just can’t. I honestly don’t know how I would begin to deal with this kind of betrayal. But I’m leaning towards violence and destruction of property.

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  24. WOOOOOWWWWWWWWW! I’m glad your friend found out the truth before she made a BIG mistake with him. SMH…people are so damn conniving.

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  26. Gowwwwl-leeeeee!! $@&#)!@(#@DANG!!Girl, I'd be stomping through the front door talking MUCH trash to dude. I'd call the police to come get him before I gut him like a fish!!Google is something else, ain't it? You google me and all you'll find is scientific publications. And I am glad of that!!And you are on point about secrets. Really though.

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  28. *mouth dropped* GETDAFUGOUTTAHEREWITDATNONSENSE!all i gotta say is the instinct neva fails. i’m just glad ya girl found out before she married that guy and i’m glad she has you as a friend.i also agree with you about secrets and silence. maybe i’m cynical, but i hear more in what isn’t said and will cut a cat in a minute based on the silence.bwaahaahaaha@”blood in the bronco”. i’m sayin…

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  30. I can’t even read the last two paragraphs. I aint able. I would definitely report that counselor…right after me and the homies had a little fun with her. I kid! lolThe Fiance deserves a beat down too. He writes about it on a stupid fucking travel site??!! LOL…men…smh.Seriously though…even without that proof…obviously your girl was having cold feet.

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  31. Holy effing crap. First Kwame, now this dude…why in the name of all that is (or in this case, AIN’T) holy do you do some Blood-in-the-Bronco shit like what dude pulled? He deserves whatever he has coming to him.

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