First, the formalities…
My holidays were good
for the most part. I was off for two weeks, travelling, eating, socializing, enjoying my share and a few other people’s of Jack Daniels single barrel, sleeping like a hibernating bear cub, trying that thing on page 34 of Hustler Cosmo. With the exception of the usual family drama and frustration, all was well that is at least until I had to come back to work. And with that out of the way, let’s talk about a convo that dominated most of the talk with my family and friends this holiday season…
Second, the set up…
I have a whole heap of cousins, all of whom are married, except for three (including me). Of the ones that are attached (7), all but two are having all kinds of issues.
That’s right… FIVE marriages having issues.
Granted, each of their issues are unique(ly foolish) to the individual situation, but there seems to be one underlying theme at the heart of all the problems…
Now, because I am so liberal with the word ‘nigga‘ let me clarify; I don’t mean ‘nigga‘ in the traditional ‘that’s-how-La-refers-to-everybody-regardless-of-race-and-gender’ way you’re used to me using it. In this case assume that ‘nigga‘ is an appropriate substitute for ‘worthless ass husband’.
Now, I could write a whole post about the sorry ass nigga related to me that up and left his wife with two kids (and a third kid elsewhere in the world with his baby mama) to move up north with some random sideline hoe he met on the internet, and take care of her three kids while forsaking his own.
But I don’t even feel like wrapping my head around that shit right now.
Instead, I will present the case of my female cousin, who’s husband is the most egregious nigga of allllllll these niggas.
Cousin and Nigga have been married now for… 4 years? Maybe 5. Quote me not. In the interest of transparency I will disclose that they met while he was in/on his way to/just getting out of jail, that in the beginning of their relationship he got her hooked on drugs, convinced her to run away and all but devastated my aunt who was just recently devastated by her husband of 30+ years passing. (Alot right?)
So off top, he ain’t THAT NIGGA.
But in the last few years or so, they have gotten their shit together. My cousin got a good job with the city, they got married, Nigga was holding down a full time job (albeit at McDonald’s but as long as he was bringing in a steady paycheck LEGALLY, I am all about it) and had even found himself a mentor that was helping him get his GED, learn business, and generally just better his life. Last year around this time, they had a beautiful
ten pound baby boy that you couldn’t have paid me a million dollars and regular blow jobs from Will Smith to get me to carry and deliver and all seemed to be not just on track, but going well.
About six months ago, Nigga lost his mind. Quit his job out the blue. Was too proud to work at (insert random ass fast food chain here). Got fired from Wendy’s after a week. “Couldn’t” find another job. So Cousin was supporting both Big Ass Baby and Nigga.
Furthermore, Nigga was NO PARTS of interested in finding another one. He WAS, however, interested in sleeping all day, eating up all the food in the house, smoking until he looked Chinese, not taking care of his own kid. He had his hand out for money every two weeks Cousin got paid religiously. Coming and going as he pleased, out until all hours of the night.
You know, bitch nigga shit.
It didn’t take long for Cousin to be done with that foolishness, and get rid of Nigga. He is gone to parts Unknown, and she is doing the single parent thing pretty damn well.
Except this nigga is like that package. He just don’t go away.
Every two weeks, like clockwork, he’s calling her for money. Most recently, after he saw her in Walmart with another broad, he calls her asking for money with the excuse, “Baby we in a recession! I can’t find a job.”
I’m sorry sir…
Lawd who taught this nigga a new word?
Aside from the absurdity of this nigga, it really seemed to be a running trend in my family, and with random friends. I literally heard at least one new story of Niggadom once a day. From everywhere and everybody. And these aren’t just young, shiftless dudes that dropped outta high school to be street pharmaceutical distribution agents
may not be legal but at least them niggas are working. These are married men, men with babies, men old enough to know better. These aren’t men who have just fallen on bad times and need the support of their woman.
Wtf is going on here?!?!
I’m no man, but if I were, I am pretty sure I would feel some kinda way about my wife working all day everyday to support me and I’m not doing anything. Not being in a situation where I’m trying to find a job, and its just difficult with the state of the economy and job market. But I feel like I would not be ok with being worthless for a living. I feel like maybe it would challenge my manhood a bit. Like it would go against the very basis of my constitution. Like my balls would feel a little smaller.
Granted, maybe I am a little conservative. Maybe I am wrong for believing that in order to consider yourself a real man, you have to, I dunno, have a job, be able to provide for yourself, you know…
But shit, I work TWO jobs, so you better believe you at least need to have ONE nigga.
The sad part is, there are men in this world that would work at the zoo shovelling elephant shit in the snow if it meant he could take care of himself and his family. If it meant that he wasn’t constantly begging, snivelling, trying to get a handout.
And there are men that genuinely ARE falling victims to the recession and ARE having a hard time finding a job and FEEL LIKE SHIT about it.
Not using it as an excuse so you will give them $12 to put on their Breeze Card.
And these men are the ones you need to answer to Nigga. Because they are the ones you are making look bad.
On the flip side of course, there are those women who allow these men to sit at home on their asses watching Young and the Restless and wearing their pampered status like a Purple Heart. Those bitches should be shot.
But that’s another post for another day.
Mostly, niggas, you’re bothering me.
Sir please go outside and kill yourself.
That is all.
p.s. I promise that I have pretty top notch grammatical skills, unlike those this post implies. But I just came from home, so I’m still talking all Atlanta and plus, I had some stuff to get off my chest. But don’t side eye my grammatical stylings; I got a degree and shit.