First, the formalities…
My holidays were good for the most part. I was off for two weeks, travelling, eating, socializing, enjoying my share and a few other people’s of Jack Daniels single barrel, sleeping like a hibernating bear cub, trying that thing on page 34 of Hustler Cosmo. With the exception of the usual family drama and frustration, all was well that is at least until I had to come back to work. And with that out of the way, let’s talk about a convo that dominated most of the talk with my family and friends this holiday season…
Second, the set up…
I have a whole heap of cousins, all of whom are married, except for three (including me). Of the ones that are attached (7), all but two are having all kinds of issues.
That’s right… FIVE marriages having issues.
Granted, each of their issues are unique(ly foolish) to the individual situation, but there seems to be one underlying theme at the heart of all the problems…
Now, because I am so liberal with the word ‘nigga‘ let me clarify; I don’t mean ‘nigga‘ in the traditional ‘that’s-how-La-refers-to-everybody-regardless-of-race-and-gender’ way you’re used to me using it. In this case assume that ‘nigga‘ is an appropriate substitute for ‘worthless ass husband’.
K?
Ok.
Now, I could write a whole post about the sorry ass nigga related to me that up and left his wife with two kids (and a third kid elsewhere in the world with his baby mama) to move up north with some random sideline hoe he met on the internet, and take care of her three kids while forsaking his own.
But I don’t even feel like wrapping my head around that shit right now.
Instead, I will present the case of my female cousin, who’s husband is the most egregious nigga of allllllll these niggas.
Cousin and Nigga have been married now for… 4 years? Maybe 5. Quote me not. In the interest of transparency I will disclose that they met while he was in/on his way to/just getting out of jail, that in the beginning of their relationship he got her hooked on drugs, convinced her to run away and all but devastated my aunt who was just recently devastated by her husband of 30+ years passing. (Alot right?)
So off top, he ain’t THAT NIGGA.
But in the last few years or so, they have gotten their shit together. My cousin got a good job with the city, they got married, Nigga was holding down a full time job (albeit at McDonald’s but as long as he was bringing in a steady paycheck LEGALLY, I am all about it) and had even found himself a mentor that was helping him get his GED, learn business, and generally just better his life. Last year around this time, they had a beautiful ten pound baby boy that you couldn’t have paid me a million dollars and regular blow jobs from Will Smith to get me to carry and deliver and all seemed to be not just on track, but going well.
About that…
About six months ago, Nigga lost his mind. Quit his job out the blue. Was too proud to work at (insert random ass fast food chain here). Got fired from Wendy’s after a week. “Couldn’t” find another job. So Cousin was supporting both Big Ass Baby and Nigga.
No ma’am.
Furthermore, Nigga was NO PARTS of interested in finding another one. He WAS, however, interested in sleeping all day, eating up all the food in the house, smoking until he looked Chinese, not taking care of his own kid. He had his hand out for money every two weeks Cousin got paid religiously. Coming and going as he pleased, out until all hours of the night.
You know, bitch nigga shit.
It didn’t take long for Cousin to be done with that foolishness, and get rid of Nigga. He is gone to parts Unknown, and she is doing the single parent thing pretty damn well.
Except this nigga is like that package. He just don’t go away.
Every two weeks, like clockwork, he’s calling her for money. Most recently, after he saw her in Walmart with another broad, he calls her asking for money with the excuse, “Baby we in a recession! I can’t find a job.”
**blink**
I’m sorry sir…
**blinkblinkblink**
What?!?!?!?
Lawd who taught this nigga a new word?
Aside from the absurdity of this nigga, it really seemed to be a running trend in my family, and with random friends. I literally heard at least one new story of Niggadom once a day. From everywhere and everybody. And these aren’t just young, shiftless dudes that dropped outta high school to be street pharmaceutical distribution agents may not be legal but at least them niggas are working. These are married men, men with babies, men old enough to know better. These aren’t men who have just fallen on bad times and need the support of their woman.
Wtf is going on here?!?!
I’m no man, but if I were, I am pretty sure I would feel some kinda way about my wife working all day everyday to support me and I’m not doing anything. Not being in a situation where I’m trying to find a job, and its just difficult with the state of the economy and job market. But I feel like I would not be ok with being worthless for a living. I feel like maybe it would challenge my manhood a bit. Like it would go against the very basis of my constitution. Like my balls would feel a little smaller.
Granted, maybe I am a little conservative. Maybe I am wrong for believing that in order to consider yourself a real man, you have to, I dunno, have a job, be able to provide for yourself, you know…
BASIC SHIT.
But shit, I work TWO jobs, so you better believe you at least need to have ONE nigga.
The sad part is, there are men in this world that would work at the zoo shovelling elephant shit in the snow if it meant he could take care of himself and his family. If it meant that he wasn’t constantly begging, snivelling, trying to get a handout.
And there are men that genuinely ARE falling victims to the recession and ARE having a hard time finding a job and FEEL LIKE SHIT about it.
Not using it as an excuse so you will give them $12 to put on their Breeze Card.
And these men are the ones you need to answer to Nigga. Because they are the ones you are making look bad.
On the flip side of course, there are those women who allow these men to sit at home on their asses watching Young and the Restless and wearing their pampered status like a Purple Heart. Those bitches should be shot.
But that’s another post for another day.
Mostly, niggas, you’re bothering me.
Sir please go outside and kill yourself.
That is all.
p.s. I promise that I have pretty top notch grammatical skills, unlike those this post implies. But I just came from home, so I’m still talking all Atlanta and plus, I had some stuff to get off my chest. But don’t side eye my grammatical stylings; I got a degree and shit.
Liquor, Loans & Love 
LOL @ you calling that nigga ‘Nigga”.
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“that you couldn’t have paid me a million dollars and regular blow jobs from Will Smith to get me to carry and deliver” – that had me laughing so hard!I would NEVER be laid up in some woman’s house not working. There is not enough good shit on tv to want to stay home all day to do nothing. I can do the stay-at-home dad thing but I cannot just be a bitch nigga and not work. I need to stay away from those kinds of dudes. I heard bitchassness can be contagious
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Girl… When I was married… I dropped out of school to help my husband pay the bills. Do you know when I got a really good job he became a jerk. He stopped working and stopped looking for work! Always mentioning.. I had it! What a Loser! Go b.
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I…ummm…am THAT nigga…I ain’t worked in almost a year…but generally I don’t ask a person for money…Budda, if I tell you I need something paid…just saying…he’s the man…he should pay…It ain’t as triflin’ as it sounds…it’s a hustle yo!Stop hatin’! LOL
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oh and 10 lb. babies are NOT the business!!! PLEASE GOD NOOOOO!!
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lololol. NO MA’AM!!! see no. i hope wife ain’t givin him that money!!!! hmph. oh man. i’m all KINDS of disturbed by this post!! not working??? AND not taking care of the kids YOU helped produce? nah bruh.
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@LadyLee, I’m sorry. What sir?” “I’m not going give you money towards rent and bills. I’ma save my money.” “If you don’t get the fuck up outta there with that bullshit. Lol Usually divorce makes me blue but I do believe tongue rings and other signs of general Bitchassness are just grounds, lol@Ladynay, Hey! Welcome! 🙂@Joy, I think that was the biggest issue. It’s an honest living. Sure you’re not pulling 6 figures, but it’s better than pulling NO figures. Sorry ass, lol. Omg that TI song is my SHIT. “Clean sumthin, shit, sumthin shawty!” hahahaha@V, I think these dudes have more than earned a spot in the gas chamber.@PhlyyGirl, “then nigga flip a burger and stack that damn check!”Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!! Amen. LMFAO @ ‘wish fund’.@Adei, you know I never thought of it like that. I wonder what it is about taking care of a grown ass man that makes them feel more womanly. I know most women have that instinct to take care of and cater to the ones we love, but what is the breakdown that makes it seem like THIS type of taking care of is healthy or ok? Interesting.@Cyncere Sister, if you have one that hasn’t lost his goddamn mind, keep him… and let us know if he has any likeminded brothers or 1st cousins, lol
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Dang you are funny as hell…My kinda gal…And right on point!Made me realize how blessed I AM to have a nigga that works and wants to work…he doesn’t like me wearing a strap on… 🙂Times is hard –but a man has to have a desire to work–and that goes a long way with me…I’m crackin’ up!
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that has got to be the worst.shiftless ass niggas, i don’t even know where to begin…but there are the chicks who loooooooooooooooove to take care of a man, as if they feel more womanly or something…IDK
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DEAD @ Ladylee. Not working at Popeyes and selling & buying houses. In the words of that great philospher Riley (Boondocks), “that nigga lying”. I had to come back and read the comments. This is my favorite post next to Real Nigga Roll Call post.
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OMG!I *DIED* at this post.First off, “egregious”??!? You ain’t even need a disclaimer at the end of the post for that.You do however need one for the beginning because this whollllllleeeee entire MESS is clearly outta control.Yes,it is a recession, but negro please. There are jobs out there. Low paying, shitty ass jobs, but there are still jobs. If all you can do is flip burgers, then nigga flip a burger and stack that damn check!The fuck is wrong with these dudes????This is the type of shit to make me dig into the wish fund. Ask me for my check after I worked a 12 hour day for two weeks??I WISH a nigga would!!THank God for the real men. Fuck bombing Iraq, Bush needs to lock the hoes ass niggas together in a room and bomb that!
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TouchĂ© to the post and everybody’s comments. We are all products of our environment. Somebody made them think that bullsnarky is ok.I think I need to expand my gas chamber theory to bitch niggas as well as hoes
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Ps did you say egregious? *claps politely*Of course in this post I heard my favorite ti line, “flip a mattress, do sumn!”
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I got your damn breeze card right here nigga. Shit I’m not above making money here until I can make money there. I’m not above any honest job. I wish a nigga would.
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Hey!I saw the title of your blog on Rashans and was compelled to come by and see what the post was about.You have said nothing but the truth! Standing ovation ma’am!
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Now that was crazy. I was *dead* at <>“Sir please go outside and kill yourself.”<>You need to stop. I choked on my water… Water is all over my paperwork. Thanks alot, La! And girl, don’t do no disclaimers. We know how we are in the ATL. I have 3 degrees, and you KNOW how busted my english is. LOLI can almost relate to this post. I was one of those who married a decent dude, and he got around the wrong people, and lost his mind. I was DONE when he said <>“I’m not going give you money towards rent and bills. I’ma save my money.”<> I just shook my head at this braided up, earring wearing, tongue ring sporting fool. To top it off, his sorry brother who HATES women lived with us.And then I started making plans. Everything was in my name. I closed up shop, told him and his bro good luck, and moved back to the ATL.Yeah. Little ol’ innocent me caught up in some mess… and he got the bright idea to go into street pharmaceuticals. Hmm… not sure how I ended up married to a drug dealer.It happens to the best, and the worst of us. Thank goodness I had enough sense not to have a baby with that joker. And I make TWICE as much money as I made when I was with him. My best friend’s cousin ran into him on the MA.RTA last week, and he said he was working at Po.peye’s and selling and buying houses…I’ll let you critique that. I uh, think he’s one of these niggas you so eloquently spoke of. LOL!Excellent post. Sorry to blog in your comment section, hon… But you brought back some memories, and I understand your frustration all too well.Niggas gots to do better. Uh, glad you got that off your chest, La!! Family! You gotta love ’em!
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@Rashan, I believe most men wise enough to realize their worth isn’t tied to how much they make wouldn’t have a problem with it… that being said tho, you gotta bring in SOMETHING. Hell, even if its just candy money, lol@A.J., hahahaha I’m sorry! Generally I begin with a warning… I just get a lil carried away sometimes, lol“No that nigga didn’t say “We in a recession”….ummmmm you quit!!!” I swear to God that is EXACTLY what came outta my mouth, lol@Chris, HEY! I know that quote! lol I was gonna respond to your well written paragraphs 1 and 2 but then I read this…“Some niggas need to Ctrl+Alt=Delete their lives”**done.**@Southern Gal, that’s all I’m saying. There is always SOMETHING you can do, I believe. And why is it that these dudes are NEVER single?! Are broads that desperate? When I found out he was cheating I was like, “Wait, what can he POSSIBLY be telling this bitch?” LOL@mia, yes I do think it is a bit funnier if you know me, lol. But I’m sorry ma’am did you just say…“Cause it’s gonna get real ugly, real fast, at the ponderosa…”We’re done here ma’am. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!@Diva, “they’ve been cultivated by the same women they abuse and take for granted.”Exactly. I had to point out that while she had recently gotten wise, my cousin had been co-signing this soft ass bullshit for years. So he only did what he was allowed to do. And as for the disclaimer… well, I just wanted to be clear *said like TI* lol@Duck, First… you know it’s best to come over this way only when you are alone in the office, lol. Besides ME?! What about YOU?! Did you just say, “HOW IN CORNFIELD HELL”?!?**drops the mic**
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Omg. Omg. OmFg. I can’t breathe, and it’s all your fault.First… <>“I will present the case of my female cousin, who’s husband is the most egregious nigga of allllllll these niggas.”<>… it’s lines like *this* that make me smirk, lean back and get comfortable in my chair.Second… <>“Cousin and Nigga.”<> I hate you.Third… <>“Big Ass Baby and Nigga.”<> I hate you even more.Fourth… <>“Lawd who taught this nigga a new word?”<> … by now I’m crying at my desk.Fifth — or, in Niggaspeak, Fif … the sheer ABSURDITY of it all is simply overwhelming. It’s a whole lot of WHAT THE F—?! with a side of HOW IN CORNFIELD HELL —?! I can’t take it.Sixth… I thought I was clear of startling anyone in the office with my laughter… and Chris had to pop up.<>“Some niggas need to Ctrl+Alt=Delete their lives.”<>***end scene***
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PS: I missed the disclaimer until Rah pointed it out. LMAO!!!
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This felt like church…i rarely see a post and want to say “amen”, but dammit you deserve a standing ovation for this.it’s what a lot of us have had on our minds, but i don’t think anybody could have said this as eloquently and REAL as you just did.so many things to laugh at too. i was drinking coffee when I read “<>cousin and <>nigga<>…<>” and almost choked. Not cuz and hubby, but cuz and <>nigga<> LMAO!@ this, “<>Baby we in a <>recession<>! I can’t find a job<>”, I had to look away from the monitor…woooooo…I aint able. these niggas weren’t born over night though. they’ve been cultivated by the same women they abuse and take for granted. it’s sad.
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I can’t. I just can’t.What the hell is going on with these ‘men’? Now I know we could go on about women, but specific to this post, it’s these niggas and I hear you.And I laughed. Out loud. Too loud. In my place of employment. It’s that I could just see you, all indignant and everything when telling this story.I’m with you, though. I need my man to have a job, pay some taxes, <>something<>. Cause it’s gonna get real ugly, real fast, at the ponderosa if you aren’t doing anything but holding out your hand…
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LOL Who are these people?Sad to say, I know a couple of niggas like this. There’s no reason for a man to be flat broke. He can out and cut yards or chop down a tree or sell a few ‘dime sacks’. Do something! These dudes have no sense of pride. And the killa part is they always have a woman. But like you said, that’s another post for another day.
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I am SO glad I read this at home. I believe a quote from a wise woman can sum up my feelings reading this entry – “what in the bitch nigga hell?”I swear, I’ve watched several women (my mom, big sis, aunts/cousins/homegirls) raise strong and productive families by themselves, and while admiring them, I feel sorry for the no-good niggas that contributed to this environment. It’s easy to say what I WOULD do IF I had a child and a wife/mother of my child to look after, but Goddamn, what in the hell ever happened to personal and community responsibility? You do what you can to make life comfortable for your child, the little person you had a good part of bringing into this world, and even if the relationship with the mother falls apart, YOU’RE STILL RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT CHILD. If you can’t accept the responsibility, then don’t conceive a child.Some niggas need to Ctrl+Alt=Delete their lives.
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LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!La, you gotta give me some type of warning. I can’t be reading this at work, they are gonna put my ass out!No that nigga didn’t say “We in a recession”….ummmmm you quit!!!But THESE TYPE NIGGAS don’t feel like shit…they don’t feel like their balls are getting smaller because they know damn well they balls weren’t worth shit in the first place.Ask me for MY money out of MY check that I worked for? Get outta life. I wish a nigga would….Let me get back to work…
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LMAO!!! Where to start? Where to start?Let’s start with that hilarious disclosure at the end. I have a degree! Where are these women that let you get away with not working? Not that I would want one, but I just don’t understand it. i wouldn’t care if my wife made more than me, (I might even like it), but I have to at least contribute something. There’s too much to tackle in this post, but know that it cracked me up!!!
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