As I have found myself moving solidly into grown womanhood, I have been doing quite a bit of self reflection lately. It’s actually been pretty good for me. I have been able to settle and rectify alot of things in my mind, put alot of old issues to rest, and make some really good ground on dealing with some that are still present.

A few days ago, The Notorious B.O.B. says to me, “You consider yourself a good judge of character. Maybe you should rethink that.”

At the time, the shit offended the hell outta me. Of course I’m a good judge of character! I wanted to yell. I dated your ass didn’t I?!

But, again, having transitioned into grown womanhood, I decided to sit with it a moment, really turn it over and consider if there was any validity to this statement.

I was still sitting with it when I received a text from First Love this morning…

Back Story…

First Love and Almost Fiance coincidentally share the same forename. And, while it made it easier to remember who’s name to call in bed, it has created multiple entries of said name in my cell phone. I have also had both the pleasure and displeasure of working with and befriending 3 more people who share this same, extremely common first name. So there are 5 entries of said name, or some variation there of, in my cell.

I say this to say, in a drunken haze one night around 11pm, I mistakenly texted a message to First Love that was meant for another person. Said message was nothing vulgar or ridiculous. I believe it said something like…

“Hey I just got your message. I am gonna go pick up Abe and then just meet
us at 300.”

Something like this.

For clarity’s sake, I also have to reiterate that, while there is a 300 in both Houston and Atlanta, I live in Houston, he lives in Atlanta, and in 13 years of friendship, we have not shared a friend named Abe.

The night goes on, bowling and drinking ensues, and I am not at all aware that the person I meant to text didn’t receive my message because he shows up at the venue and buys me a Jack and Coke.

(We heart him.)

The next morning, still quite drunk and very asleep, my phone rings multiple times. On time, lets say 4, I finally get my bearings enough to realize that it is not in fact a part of my dream involving me and Idris Elba and I answer.

On the other side of the country, First Love is throwing a bitch fit.

Being again, drunk and asleep, I don’t quite put 2 and 2 together. He is bitching and I am drifting in and out of consciousness. I gather that he is bitching at me about texting him. I figure that it’s because his broad was with him at the time. I apologize for the mistake.

He hangs up on me.
I take my drunk ass back to sleep.

Around 3pm when I finally wake up, bits and pieces of the convo start to drift back to me.

What in the bitch nigga hell?!?!?

Sir did you really call me from 800 miles away to question me about a text that was obviously not meant for you, all because your chick, who is damn near 40 fucking years old, likes to conduct her relationship like you’re high school seniors?


I contemplate, for a split second, calling him back and cussing him out for calling me with this kinda foolishness early on a Sunday morning, but I’m hungover, dehydrated and most importantly, grown.

I bitch about it to B.O.B. for a second, then put it out of my mind.

Back to the present…

I am at my desk knocking out some paperwork when I get a text. I get all excited when I first read the name because I think it’s Almost Fiance, although, realistically, clearly he ain’t carrying around his Black.berry in Iraq and texting niggas. I realize it’s First Love.

Hey it’s First Love. Thought about you and didn’t realize that I didn’t apologize for blowing up. My old lady was tripping and I took it out improperly, forgive me.

La wants to say…

Look what I need is for you to quit dating these crazy and insecure bitches that can’t handle the thought of me even though I live 800 miles away, we haven’t been together in 7 years, and I don’t particularly care for the man you’ve become. And if you can’t seem to do that then at the very least don’t bring that kinda foolishness to me.

Trying to earn her grown woman stripes, instead La says…

I understand that it must have been hard for situation for you but please don’t let it happen again. I do not appreciate being involved in your relationship drama over an obvious mistake.

And I get back to my paperwork, because I think this will be the end of it.

Instead I get a text that says…

Whoa, maybe to you, but the mistake wasn’t THAT obvious. I wanted to show love because we are good like that. I still feel the same, I was just rude about it. Nevermind.

La REALLY wants to say…

SIR. Don’t apologize to me like you are doing me a fucking favor. And when, in the history of us knowing each other have we ever shared a friend named Abe? And when have I ever come to Atlanta without first giving you a head’s up? And why in THE FUCK is it ok for you to wake me up on a Sunday morning being rude because your chick is acting a fool, but I can’t tell you I don’t appreciate it?!

Instead I say…

If we were “good like that” you never would have called me early on a Sunday morning and been rude to me. As I said then, I apologize for the mistake. And don’t let it happen again.

Now, to me, I have twice been calm and deliberate, very clear about both my apology and my displeasure at the way I was spoken to. And TWICE I have said so in such terms that could completely dead this conversation.

And so I think that’s the end of it.
Except not.

I then receive a 3 page long text as follows…

Confused… if you text someone on mistake and they communicate to you that it’s a problem, that’s not the time for self defense. You express your intent and don’t let the shit happen again, simple. I valued our friendship and am big enough to look at things whollistically. You are obviously somewhere else with it. But that’s ok too. Me the bad guy, don’t think so. Have a good one.


In this edition of La Wants to Say, she decides to show her ass…

First of all sir, whollistically is not a word. I cannot endure such abuse of the King’s English in an attempt to sound intelligent. Actually, no, first things first, we are NOT friends sir. We are people who have known each other since we were 12 and used to date. Let’s be clear. And whether my texting you was a problem or not, which I apologized for then, you do not call me on the phone that I pay for being rude and expect it to be ok. It was in your best interest that I was asleep and still drunk, otherwise I woulda surely cussed you and your silly broad out for that childish foolishness. Don’t call me with drama. Pull your balls outta your ass, man up and handle your relationship business at home. Tell your bitch to act like the 40 year old she is and not a high school senior and dead the issue. And by all means, if you cannot be man enough to do that, please give me her number and allow me to do it for you.

Instead I say…

You too.


I simply cannot deal with the Bitch Nigga sneak attacks that these dudes are out here perpetrating.

And looping around to my initial point, how is it that I have managed to accumulate a roster of such bitch ass niggas? Maybe B.O.B. is right; maybe I simply am not the judge of character I thought I was.

So tell me, men especially, am I just not seeing his point of view? Did I miss the point? Is it generally ok to bitch up like this when under fire from your insecure ass broad and pull this kinda high school “call her while I am standing right here listening to what she says” bullshit?

(p.s. I am EXTREMELY interested in knowing wtf he tells this hoes about me, because ALL his chicks hate my ass, lol)

11 thoughts on “Reflection

  1. Bitch Nigga sneak attack indeed!!

    La I don't think you're a bad judge of character either. Those in the past, as Ricky Bobby would say, “had their balls experimentally removed” at some point after you parted ways with them.


  2. Blah's right La you you didn't have to text ole boy back…He's not your problem…Let him deal with his old ass broad's insecurities…I'm glad U didn't waste your good brain power on some trivial shit…lol…


  3. @Chris that is exactly the way I woulda preferred it handled

    @Veronica omg that is so one of my biggest pet peeves. Please don't destroy the language just so you can sound smart. Or because you don't know better. Like interchanging 'specific' and 'Pacific'. Or saying, 'obeast.' Or confused they're, their, and there. Ugh.

    @Adei- I sincerely hope there is no next time. Because then I will surely be just plain hood. lol

    @Joy- Omg, ON THE LORD'S DAY! Smh, lol. When did he get to be such a bitch? He wasn't always that way, was he?

    @Blah- I just cannot stand being disrespected if we're “friends” just for the sake of satisfying a woman you likely won't be with in a few months. Over the time that I have known him, he has done it more than once. When I was younger, I tried to be understanding. Now I try to cuss him our regularly and often when he pulls that bullshit. That being said… you're right of course…

    Don't mean I ain't side eyeing you, lol :-p

    @mia.- I thought I was the only one that couldnt see me going thru a man's phone. If I have to do all that, he has to go. I can't live that way. I can't stand men who get punked by women either. But maybe that's because I prefer my men of the more alpha male variety


  4. I think you have a good judge of character cause you like me.

    That being said, as a woman approaching cougar age – is anyone in that age group a cougar – what if I don’t date younger men? Anyway, I don’t even understand men like that. There is no way I could see me a) going thru a man’s phone or b) trippin’ after it had been explained as a mistake (unless our relationship has a history of ‘mistakes’ – but that is a horse of a different color.

    I just don’t like men who get punked by women. Hey… maybe THAT’S my problem. My dating life might be better if I could punk a man or two…

    Anyway, I agree with Blah, the text was a bitch move cause he CALLED to pick the fight, but sent a text apology. I probably would have responded with a:

    ‘And don’t let it happen again, chump.’

    And kept it pushing. Leave them to their paranoid, immature relationship – they deserve each other.


  5. First off…if he can pick up the phone to cuss you out…then he should have picked up the phone to apologize.
    Texting and emails…you loose the true tone of ones voice…so what you took as him being bitchy and him taking what you say as being rude…well might have been avoided.

    I think you texting him back after the initial apology was not needed. He said what he said and that was the end of it.
    But snarky remarks added into a statement that are not needed but used as trying to put someone in their place…is childish…ummm, ALL the way around La.
    Grown woman stripes…well…

    *I see you side-eyeing me.


  6. First of all, you got me dyin talking about “wholistically” is not a word. I do believe our myriad English teachers would have words for him, lol.

    First of all part 2 (cuz this shit is just as relevant), if a nigga wakes me out my sleep talkin shit, oh I'm awake now nigga. And on the lord's day too? He woulda got the verbal shit slapped out of him, 13 years be damned.

    3rdly, you can be grown and curse a bitch nigga out, as long as its due. And how else will they learn? I do admire your restraint. I got too much of my mama in me for that shit.

    Damn I said shit a lot…


  7. booooo on him!!

    i’m going with this: you are a good judge of character. the person that is almost fiance is SOOOOO not the person you met and dated. you def wouldn’t date him now, right? right.


    next time someone tries your life like that, throw grown woman out the window and be REAL woman. the two can co-exist 🙂


  8. “First of all sir, whollistically is not a word. I cannot endure such abuse of the King’s English in an attempt to sound intelligent.”


    …oh, and ditto what Chris said.


  9. Yeah, you’ve definitely got it going on anytime you got a cougar baring her claws like that. Rawr, m’lady. Rawr.

    As far as bitching up, that’s what it is. The reason women have so little respect for men these days is because we’ve kinda sorta forgotten how to be men. The real way to handle it would’ve been for him to say “It was a mistaken text, La and I haven’t been an item in years, relax. If you don’t believe me, that’s on you.”


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