Here are some things you might not know about me…
– I am 25.
– I have a college degree from the HBCU better than all others.
– Said degree was obtained in 4 years… but it should have taken me 6.
– I have no children. None. Just a dog.
– I have never been married.
– I have a good job at a name brand company, and a part time job to fund my dreams. In short, I hustle.
– And, to put it plainly, I’m BAD. Five star. Cold. “Fine… fine as all outdoors.”
So there you go.
Now why am I the only one that recognizes that most of that shit doesn’t matter when it comes to finding a mate?
We are becoming our bullet points. And it is ridiculous. It is not a male thing, or a female thing. EVERYONE is falling for this bullshit. It’s happened to all of us; you meet a person at bar/concert/church/party and before you can say their name aloud three times to remember it, they are telling you all about their resume.
And if you are anything like me, you don’t give a shit.
Personally, I am over bulletpoint niggas. You don’t get a gold star because you have a job. You don’t get a pat on the head because you went to college. You don’t get a cookie because you didn’t get some off brand hoe you met in a club knocked up.
Listen very carefully…
You don’t get extra credit for doing the LEAST of things.
I know, baby mamas and unemployment is rampant. And more than a few dudes don’t have cars, let alone a safe, reliable mode of transportation, and are more than happy to set up permanent residence in their mama’s basement. However, being outside of that group does not make you The Golden Child. It means you are doing what you are supposed to be doing. Grab your nuts and go that way.
Women are just as guilty. You’ve done it, your friends have done it, hoes are doing it all over the damn internet; running down their degrees and their jobs and their homes and their trips and shit as though this makes them a better person. Rolling out the laundry list of requirements they have for a mate that has nothing, ABSOLUTELY NO THING to do with how that man will treat you, who he is, what his personal constitution entails.
Let’s be perfectly clear; we are not our resumes. Where I work, what I look like, says nothing about my character. It speaks to nothing that would make me a suitable mate.
And what kills me is, WE ALL KNOW THAT.
Most of us have dated Guy Who is Great on Paper. I certainly have. Don’t believe me? Search the archives.
But here’s the thing; so many of these men are ONLY good on paper. They are not loyal, they are not kind or funny or generous or thoughtful or adventurous or spiritual or intelligent or family oriented or ANY of the things that would contribute to building a happy, healthy, fruitful life together. Most of the men in my life, platonic and otherwise, have been college educated, with a good job, and no kids and blah blah blah. And trust that it’s real talk when I tell you that degree does NOTHING to make them more faithful or emotionally available. Having a good job is not synonymous with being ready to commit. Not having children does not mean he is responsible. More often than not it means the nigga is LUCKY.
I say it all the time, and you won’t believe me because you don’t know me. But the people who are in my everyday life know better; I would spend my life with the janitor of an elementary school if it meant that he would love me for the rest of this life. Does that mean that our obvious economic status wouldn’t cause us issues at some point? Probably not. Does it mean that there is a chance that we might not like the same things or be interested in the same cultural pursuits? Maybe. I’m not that naive. But at the end of the day, fuck my degree and my car and my job and my dog and all the stamps in my passport. Will you take this walk with me, even if it means that sometimes it is so bad that we have to crawl?
THAT is who I want.
It really is great when you find someone who has similar life experiences as you because in many ways, they can relate to who you are and what your life is about. I’ve always maintained that if I could build my perfect man he would be a childless black guy from a 2 parent household from Atlanta, have gone to
an HBCU Howard, probably work in broadcast or entertainment like I do, and never have met a sporting match he didn’t want to watch (outside of tennis; can’t fuck with it). Let’s not even mention the fact that I would adore it if he were at least a foot larger than me (I’m tiny) and I would love it if his shoulders were as wide as the horizon.
But in reality, NOT possessing those things is not a good enough reason to disqualify a man who is otherwise prepared to give me all the things I want and need.
So please stop doing it.
Thus far, I have lived a fairly bulletproof life. And I encourage you to do the same. You never know, if you stopped allowing yourself to get shot up, walking around wounded by these men you have NO business being with in the first place, you might even live long enough to find what it is that you are looking for.