But I Have White Friends

This happens to me a lot.

In case you weren’t aware, I live in the south. And not even the “new” south like Atlanta or Richmond. I live in the only state recently advocating seceding from the union and where the governor actively supports whitewashing textbooks to paint slavery as some sort of colonial welfare-to-work program.

There is racism in this world. I get that. Post-racial my ass.

But this is not that.

There I am, in the meat section, digging under mountains of Texas bred beef to find some ground turkey, when I see a handsome black man cross in front of me. I let him pass, return his friendly smile (I am southern, after all) and continue digging for something that did not graze the likely polluted grass in the field next door to the gas station near my old house.

“Are you searching for turkey products too?”
“YES! It’s like looking for Republican at a gay pride event. You know they’re there but they’re carefully hidden.”

He laughs at me while he hands over a package of lean ground turkey. It only took two people and 10 minutes to find. Awesome.

“Thank you,” I say as I slide the ground turkey in my basket. Around the end of my sentence, a really pretty redhead starts marching towards us. She has the most fantastic hair color I have EVER SEEN. I am hoping it is the work of some talented queen in Midtown and not given to her by God. Just as I am about to stop and ask her who does it, she slithers up next to my ground turkey savior and fuses herself to his side, her hand becoming glued to his, her head magnetically drawn to his shoulder. I look her up and down, mostly bemused and a little jealous of her shoes.

Ma’am. Have ALL THE SEATS.

Noticing my raised eyebrow, Stephen Colbert style, at her demonstration of insecurity she tosses a terse greeting in my direction. I say hello as well, and move around them so I can find some pepper jack cheese for my future turkey burgers.

“You know,” I hear her shout from behind me, a little too loudly for my liking, “you can stop staring. Just because I am white and he’s black-“ I whirl around fast enough to cut her off and walk back in her direction. Without a word, I hold up my Black.berry to her face, the picture I just pulled up enlarged on the screen.

“This,” I say as condescendingly as possible, “is my father.”

It is important to note here that for all intents and purposes, my daddy is black. He just so happens to be that kind of black that looks like what happens when milk gets a tan. And he has green eyes and curly hair. But for right now, his inability to tan to any shade beyond toasted mother of pearl is serving my purpose.

“I know it is the “in thing” for black women to have problems with interracial relationships. But not all black women do. I certainly don’t. And maybe half the time what you perceive as resentment of your relationship is really just a reflection of your own defensiveness and insecurity. You should really know who you’re talking to before you get all in your feelings unnecessarily over a person who doesn’t even feel the way you perceive them to.”

I turn on my heels, leaving her sputtering what sounds like an apology. I just shake my head. I don’t have time for this. Ignorant, insecure bitches, even the self professed liberal white ones, will never change. And hungry bitches just wanna go home and make turkey burgers.

9 thoughts on “But I Have White Friends

  1. I understand it from both sides (I am currently in an interracial relationship).

    On one hand, White women catch so much flack for “stealing the good brothers”. I have heard women say out loud as me and my gf are in a store “she don't know how to handle that man” or “White bitches always want a brother”. I have even had women approach me as if my gf is not even standing next to me. So that would make any sensible person a little defensive if you hear that all that time.

    However, one should not make the assumption that all Black women hate on you for being in an interracial relationship. That assumption can take one down a dark road.

    But to be honest, its hard to no go down there. I have a hard time not disliking the police due to past issues with them. Its still a struggle to this day to be polite when I come across them and I know in my heart that I shouldn't stereotype all police.


  2. a friend of mine just witnessed a scene play out like this in Lenox mall over the weekend; is it insecure bishes month? Anyway I think you handled yourself well, she clearly was projecting–i.e. thinking she's looking through a window when she's looking in a mirror.


  3. I often wonder if the men go home and check the girl later… prolly not.

    Anyway, I had to check a girl recently for trying to have all types of attitude because someone asked her if a statement she'd made was racist.

    Now, have a 'tude cause somebody is off up in your mouth and you weren't talking to them? Sure. But to try to act like it was a ludicrous assumption based on the SOLE fact that you have a “black husband…” No boo. Not at all.

    Ugh. Whatever to all of the insecure ones. Get you a white boyfriend if it's gonna make you act like that, girly.


  4. Wow….I've definitely gotten the “Don't look at my man” vibe from women in interracial couples, but never anything as blatant at this. You flashing that pic of your dad was classic though…love it.


  5. The insecure ones get me every time. I was at my part time job and this white lady came in with her black boyfriend. She was cool, calm and collected until she realized she had to deal with me. Once she realized she had to deal with me she was all over him. I didn't even give her the raised eyebrow. She was kissing his cheek and forcing him to hold her hand. All I could think was if you like it, I love it. Then she mentions that he doesn't have a job and I pull my side eye out. You are holding on tightly to this man that I didn't find attractive to begin with but you add to it that he doesn't have a job and he made it seem as if he didn't plan on looking for a job. Even if he was my type all I can think about why do I want a man who obviously can't afford me.


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