Recently, I have been talking to Kit (go and tip your bartender) about a situation she’s dealing with. I won’t go into details because it is not my business to tell all over Al Gore’s internet, but during one of our conversations I said something to her that stuck with me…
We all know Girl Code. We all learned it at some point during our teenage years, those silly little rules we thought would be the binding that kept our childhood girlfriendships together. It may vary from group to group but the basics are always the same: don’t gossip behind each other’s back. Don’t ditch your friends for a boy. Be willing to drop everything to comfort a friend going through a breakup. Don’t date a friend’s ex.
But honestly, as I have hurtled towards 30 at a rate that is most alarming, I have to admit I have done ALL of this stuff. Who among us has never commented to a friend about a mutual acquaintance that is a mess? Who HASN’T rearranged plans or cut a girl’s night out short because you got a booty call text around 11pm? You mean to tell me you guys still converge on a friend’s apartment to eat ice cream, watch rom coms, and bemoan how men ain’t shit every time a friend breaks up (even if it is Friend Who Breaks Up With a Guy Every 3 Months)? And seriously, I would still never date a friend’s ex, but what qualifies? A relationship? A crush? “Dibs”? Would I date a guy who had broken my girlfriend’s heart? Hell no. But would I entertain said friend’s fury that I went out with a guy she met while drunk at a happy hour 2 years ago, went on one date with and promptly pronounced too short/nice/shy/arrogant/etc. and promptly banished him to occasional Facebook friendom?
Bitch, have all the seats.
Do we still follow these rules as grown-ups? Do they become less important? Or do the rules change as we get older? I think for my girlfriends and me, our “rules” are simply just guidelines by which we live our lives anyway: always bring enough liquor for everyone. Don’t hold out on new sex moves. Shoes, makeup and condoms are too be shared. Tell me I look fat in this, but in a very nice way and then find me something else to wear/accompany me to Zumba. Be willing to participate in or cover up any vandalism that may need to occur post finding out friend’s boyfriend is sleeping with his tennis pro. Understand that if I am in the middle of the dickmatized season of a new relationship, I will see you a little less until month two when the shine wears off.
These things work for us.
So what about you? Did your Girl Code become Woman Code? Do you think it is necessary as an adult at all? Does it change according to the friend?