Girl Code

Recently, I have been talking to Kit (go and tip your bartender) about a situation she’s dealing with. I won’t go into details because it is not my business to tell all over Al Gore’s internet, but during one of our conversations I said something to her that stuck with me…

“After age 18 some of these girl rules we are all supposed to follow go straight out the window.”

We all know Girl Code. We all learned it at some point during our teenage years, those silly little rules we thought would be the binding that kept our childhood girlfriendships together. It may vary from group to group but the basics are always the same: don’t gossip behind each other’s back. Don’t ditch your friends for a boy. Be willing to drop everything to comfort a friend going through a breakup. Don’t date a friend’s ex.

But honestly, as I have hurtled towards 30 at a rate that is most alarming, I have to admit I have done ALL of this stuff. Who among us has never commented to a friend about a mutual acquaintance that is a mess? Who HASN’T rearranged plans or cut a girl’s night out short because you got a booty call text around 11pm? You mean to tell me you guys still converge on a friend’s apartment to eat ice cream, watch rom coms, and bemoan how men ain’t shit every time a friend breaks up (even if it is Friend Who Breaks Up With a Guy Every 3 Months)? And seriously, I would still never date a friend’s ex, but what qualifies? A relationship? A crush? “Dibs”? Would I date a guy who had broken my girlfriend’s heart? Hell no. But would I entertain said friend’s fury that I went out with a guy she met while drunk at a happy hour 2 years ago, went on one date with and promptly pronounced too short/nice/shy/arrogant/etc. and promptly banished him to occasional Facebook friendom?

Bitch, have all the seats.

Do we still follow these rules as grown-ups? Do they become less important? Or do the rules change as we get older? I think for my girlfriends and me, our “rules” are simply just guidelines by which we live our lives anyway: always bring enough liquor for everyone. Don’t hold out on new sex moves. Shoes, makeup and condoms are too be shared. Tell me I look fat in this, but in a very nice way and then find me something else to wear/accompany me to Zumba. Be willing to participate in or cover up any vandalism that may need to occur post finding out friend’s boyfriend is sleeping with his tennis pro. Understand that if I am in the middle of the dickmatized season of a new relationship, I will see you a little less until month two when the shine wears off.

These things work for us.

So what about you? Did your Girl Code become Woman Code? Do you think it is necessary as an adult at all? Does it change according to the friend?

11 thoughts on “Girl Code

  1. I think they change. I'm 32. I have no shame in telling my friend girls that “I will see them later” because I'm about to go see my man. I will ditch those heffas with a quickness and holla at them tomorrow. lol And they are the same way.

    As far as dating a friend's ex this can be tricky. If it was just a few dates, a booty call relationship, or overall just wasn't a serious relationship, I wouldn't have a probably with a friend dating an ex. Some people are highly possessive regarding their exes though.

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  2. I only have rules for my REAL friends…the BFF's. I would never consider dating someone they had sex with. I don't care if he was just a bootycall…I don't wanna even go there.

    I so agree on everything though…everybody talks about each other and every body has ditched their friend for their boyfriend/girlfriend at SOME point.

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  3. @SouthernGal LMAOOOO! I think we have ALL peaced out on gfs to go see our man. Let's just keep it 100. lol I hate when women act like that is such a huge, glaring betrayal. lol

    @Jazz yeah if there was sex involved, relationship or not, I don't want nothing to do with it. lol But I can't see me fixing my face to tell a girlfriend she couldnt go out with a random guy I had a crush on for a month in college. lol

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  4. I don't think my girlfriends and I follow any codes. We just flow with it. We all know that when your man calls for some action its time to bounce. We also wouldn't date eachothers ex's, booty calls, ect. I'm not trying to sex someone anyone of my friends have. But aside from that, none of us have the same taste in men so it would never be an issue lol.

    I think friendships with woman grow and mature as we grow an mature and the things we thought were so important as kids become less important the older we get.

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  5. All I know is when there's 5 of you standing together at a bar and I'm trying to talk to the ONE of ya'll that's smiling at me it's a frikkin' NEGOTIATION.

    So all this talk about you guys abandoning each other when you get that booty text at 11? *SUSPECT* 😉

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  6. Hmmm… I will talk about a friend if they're foul…lol…but I'll never ever mess with a dude that's hit. It's just all kinds of nasty and I wouldn't want her to ever comment(because she knows) on what I have. Interesting post!

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  7. Oh, I would never date a dude that had sex with my friend. But I wouldn't have a problem if a friend wanted to date someone I had sex with years ago. I would frown my nose up at first but hey, do you homie. I only had this happen once. I told her to go ahead after calling her nasty. lol Funny thing is we haven't talked in 8 yrs because she got mad because a dude she was interested in tried dating me.

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  8. I think girl-code is for faux friends…when you're 14 you don't know what a real friend is so you have all these rules and stipulations that narrow a definition. When you're grown, most of those things don't really matter and your real friends wouldn't do anything to hurt you..so if anything “unconditional love and support” is the only withstanding law of girl-code.

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  9. I think the girl code changes considerably as we get older.
    We do shake our head at each others antics, lol console and put each back together after a bad break up, but this is not every break up. Our friendship has developed into sisterhood in a sense and we fight like sisters.
    I think we have all broken every rule, except hooking up with an ex..

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  10. My girl code is the same as my man code…everyone in my realm of friendship…don't mess with my kids, my money or my man and we all good.
    However, if you want the man after I'm done, that's cool too but realize everytime I see her nasty ass Imma ask her how my cooch taste on his dick.
    Thank goodness after all these years, I've never actually had to say that.

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  11. ….niiiice post. Guess I never really thought of having a 'girl code' with my 2 BFFs. The one I've known for 13 years and the other for 10, so I guess we've been through all of this at some point. But now we know when it's “gossiping” and when it's concern. We also know when to drop everything for a break-up and when to get pissy drunk and have a “fuck'em” night. But we've never dated any exes or family members. I think it says a lot of your friendship when you can trust someone else to whoop your kid(s) and that's the kinda bond we have. Thanks for making me think about this 🙂

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