I am prideful. Sometimes foolishly so.
Because I am prideful, I am not particularly fond of having to depend on people. This can be just as detrimental to interpersonal relationships as you might think it is.
Because I don’t like depending on people, I don’t care for asking people for things. This, coupled with my outlandish pride, will, at best, make me do things the hard way. At worst, I will choose to go without rather than have to ask.
Especially if the person I have to depend on is one of those people that will forever guilt me about needing. Or who will never let me live down having requested something of them.
I can’t deal with that. I would much rather live under the mantra that if I can’t get it myself, I don’t need it.
This is foolish as fuck. And unrealistic. And not hardly how the world works. If I were smarter, I would say that maybe the universe continues to put me in this position I loathe so vehemently because I have not yet learned my lesson about my scorched earth policy for dealing with situations (such as the one I am in) that make me uncomfortable. To teach me that I do not have to slash and burn everything to punish them for their perceived slight. That if I set fire to everything, no matter how faulty, then it will also destroy the resources of my own imagined, self-sufficient island.
But I am not smart. I am prideful.
And I am about to do some stupid shit because of it.