As is customary around these parts, I am taking two weeks off to travel home for the holidays, do hoodrat things with my friends, drink my weight in liquor and eat your weight in soul food. It’s tradition after all. And in that spirit, I will also be taking a break from the twice a week posting I do here. I will give you a moment to mourn…
Feel free to come back in the new year, when I will be kicking things off with a week long series about the worst dates I have ever been on, brought to you by Twitter and the letter J for Jack Daniels, without whom I would never have found it in myself to entertain you with my ultimate dating failures. Among the highlights you can expect: guy whose girlfriend showed up mid-date. The gay guy I didn’t know I was on a date with who had an interesting proposition at the end of the night. Boy who cried into his pasta.
You wanna be here for that.
In the meantime, feel free to catch up on the past year via 12 of my favorite posts of 2011, listed below in no particular order, and meant to assuage the agony of my absence until I return in 2012, likely hungover and a few pounds heavier, but ready to go.
Merry ChrismaHanuKwanzaa and Happy New Year in advance!!!
1. Next Door
A look back on what happens when you visit your childhood house of horrors as an adult.
A sound thesis on why, when men tell you that you should be attracted to their potential, you should tell them to shut the fuck up.
3. Lestat v. Possums
A hilarious installment of my war on possums, wherein I embarrass myself with how ungangster I am.
4. Giving Up
Where I finally start to heal from having my heart broken years ago, starting with confronting the memories left behind in a city we once loved.
5. La’s Guide to Jump Offs
A list of rules to follow if you are interested in maintaining a fruitful jump off situation, gleaned mostly from all the ways I have failed in this pursuit.
6. Fuck Love, Get Greece
Where I learn that romance without finance is not love at all, but rather the way poor people make themselves feel better about being broke.
8. Body Count Politics
Defense of you being as much or as little of a whore as you want to be, and why there should be no such thing as a whore anyway.
9. You Know How I Know You’re Gay?
I crush my friend’s hopes of dating a new guy because I am fairly certain that he is a card carrying, Vuitton rocking, arches-his-eyebrows-in-secret homo.
10. The One Where my Mama and I Talk About Vibrators
Also known as the one time I seriously considered running my car into a highway median just to make it stop.
11. Mama Said There’d be Days Like This
I give up my apartment, my independence, and my dog, all in one day. But the cute pics of my dog make it hurt a little less.
12. I Shoulda Been a Stripper
I discover that strippers are not all unattractive, desperate for love knock off porn stars. I also discover that stripping is the new path to financial independence. Then I cry over my degree and student loan bills.