I laugh too loud. I curse more than a sailor. I can drink you under the table. And I will. I won’t always be comfortable talking about how I feel, but I will always cook for you and remember that random thing you said you wanted 9 months ago and get it for your birthday. I am not great at needing people, and it will likely be years before you meet my family. If my friends hate you, you will most likely have to go. I will unwittingly steamroll over you if you give me no pushback, and likely not feel bad for it. I am hard to get to know, and terribly uninterested in changing that. My life is full and I will not let you into it unless you make it impossible for me to not want you in it. You’ll need to carve out your own space. I cry at beautiful harmonies and shut down when I am angry because I have a Chernobyl temper. I say things wrong, and I will be frustrated when you don’t understand me. I will fight you if you ever put your hands on me and I will leave you if you lie. I yell at the TV and sing along with the radio. I will not listen to a word you say until I am ready to take your advice. I drive faster than the speed limit and will quickly get irritated with you if you tell me to slow down. I am incredibly smart, which you will sometimes forget because I am silly. I giggle at everything when I’m sleepy and babble when I’m nervous. Periodically I will experience a bad streak of insomnia, and I won’t expect you to stay up with me, but I will adore you if sometimes you do. There is a significant chance I will dance with you like I don’t have a daddy at home in the club, and I might proposition you in public. I am not interested in your judgments of my sexual proclivities, only your enjoyment of them. I will need gratuitous amounts of silence and a place I can be alone. I will make you look good in front of your boss. I will charm the hell out of your parents. I will take care of your family like my own. Your friends will adore me. There is a significant chance that should we not make it, they will still periodically ask you about me, no matter who you are currently dating, and a daring few might reach out to me every now and then to see if we might reconcile under the guise of “checking on me.” I will remember the beer your best friend drinks and I will cook and then leave the house when your boys come over to watch the game. I will sometimes watch you sleep and feel incredibly lucky. I will make a home in the crook of your arm I expect to occupy at most times I am by your side. I will unapologetically steal your clothes, and when you leave the room I will lay on your pillow because it will smell like you. I will stumble over saying “I love you” but I will say it, over and over, when I feel it, until it is a second language. We will have animals. And sometimes you will need to reach things on high shelves. Under this circumstance, a well-timed short joke is permissible, but not under many others. I will write thousands of pages of prose about you that you might never read. I will see the world with you.
I will love you. That is all.