Here is one of the most ridiculous things about me.
Whenever something good happens to me, I wait for everything to fall apart.
And I don’t just mean I think things will take a turn for the worst. I mean I wait for my life to flame out in spectacular fashion.
When I paid my car off, I spent MONTHS anxious that I’d soon total it.
If I come into money, I am certain it will somehow be stolen.
If I get a new job, I wonder if I’m suddenly going to be stricken with some form of aggressive cancer, leaving me unable to make it to my start date.
In short, I am fucking ridiculous.
I don’t know exactly when this became a habit. It seems some extreme form of the motto by which I live my life; if you stay ready you ain’t gotta get ready. And so I am always looking for the boogie monster under the bed.
The problem is of course, like with most things, when you go looking for something, you almost always find it.
Liquor, Loans & Love 
[inserts life-affirming quote about trusting the Universe here cuz I know how much you LOVE that]
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I have this same problem. And it really is a problem because I feel like I never get to enjoy life and live in the now because I'm always waiting on the other shoe to drop.
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