How do I explain that I am missing?
That my absence is necessary and excruciating. That I’d never choose it, even though I chose it. That missing every moment and milestone makes my insides ache until I can’t breathe.
It feels inexcusable. To promise to be there and then to leave. I am guilty of a betrayal I swore to never perpetrate. Because while I certainly leave people, I don’t leave my people.
But I am missing. And my dreading it then and mourning it now doesn’t change that.
What have I missed? How to I atone for it? Is there really solace in the explanation?
Either way, I’m still missing.