How Do I Explain?

How do I explain that I am missing?


That my absence is necessary and excruciating. That I’d never choose it, even though I chose it. That missing every moment and milestone makes my insides ache until I can’t breathe.


It feels inexcusable. To promise to be there and then to leave. I am guilty of a betrayal I swore to never perpetrate. Because while I certainly leave people, I don’t leave my people.


But I am missing. And my dreading it then and mourning it now doesn’t change that.


What have I missed? How to I atone for it? Is there really solace in the explanation?


Either way, I’m still missing.

Them too.

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