It feels ungrateful to admit how fucking exhausted I am. Because there was a time I prayed for the life I have now. When, deep in the throes of depression, I pleaded with whatever gods were listening to pull me from under the crushing weight of a job that wasn’t going anywhere, codependent relationships, inequitable … Continue reading Go for Broke
Author: La
Daddy Lessons
“Hey.” He says it on an exhale the way he always has; as though he’s been holding on to it, trapping it in his mouth, until it flings itself free into the space beyond his teeth. “Hi.” This is a game of chicken. One we always play. Him feeling me out, me refusing to be … Continue reading Daddy Lessons
The Velvet Rope
I remember thirteen. I was withdrawn, dark and heavy. The early trauma of my life like weighted stones strapped to my growing limbs. I was alone, trying to navigate the jungle of loss and abuse along with the new curve ball of puberty. My sexuality felt like a nuclear weapon I was in no way … Continue reading The Velvet Rope
Difficult Women
I attract difficult women. Women who don't fit small hands or small plans. Who burn, incandescent with desire. Magic women. Warrior women. Women ill shaped to live in the residences of archaic ideas and grayscale archetypes. Women who are vermilion and canary and titian and cobalt. Who say the scary things and slay the dragons. … Continue reading Difficult Women
The Talented Mr. Ripley
I am sitting in a meeting when it hits me. I feel the chill weave up my spine, spreading north of my neck and wrapping around my temples. My hands start to tremble. I am saying something. The words must still make sense because the people around the conference table are still nodding and scribbling … Continue reading The Talented Mr. Ripley
365
I didn’t think I’d make it a year. But here I am, heartbroken, gutted, but alive. The details of your face have not dulled in my mind. I am still an expert in every crease and mole and curve. The tenor of your voice and the tinkle of your laugh still ring clear as bells … Continue reading 365
Smile Even Though it’s Breaking…
I often think about the moment I let you go. It wasn’t the moment we said goodbye. It was before that, a long, cold month before. We were talking, which we didn’t do much of anymore, but we’d fallen into the volley that was natural for us. We were laughing, and I was ignoring how … Continue reading Smile Even Though it’s Breaking…
Time’s Up
This is the speech I would have given at my aunt's funeral, had I been in any position to stand or say words. Some many months ago- too many as it tends to go- I found myself at my aunt's house for an impromptu sleepover. I don't know how it fell into place, if she … Continue reading Time’s Up
Gone
Sometimes I watch the news from back home late at night. I wade through random snippets of videos and articles about a weave robbery and a soldier coming home, searching. Sometimes I'll walk by a TV and a headline will catch my eye and I'll stop and watch and won't even realize I'm holding my breath … Continue reading Gone
The Mausoleum
Coming back to New Orleans is like walking the graveyard of all the women I used to be. Who I was when I was young and dumb and deliriously in love. When I was chasing my food with laxatives. When I was broke and struggling at a dead end job. Before the dark years. Before … Continue reading The Mausoleum
