I’ve been holding space in my life for lies. They aren’t covert lies. These lies are big blinking lights on a marquee. But they are pretty; the fairy tale fruit whose slick, glossy outside belies the poison beneath. What no one tells you about lies when you’re young and learning about lies the way a … Continue reading Feed me Lies

I’d forgotten what it was like to be lonely. The Dark Years gave me my Wolf Pack, my tribe of sisters and warriors and inappropriate joke tellers and safe space. I carried them home with me when I returned in all my prodigal glory, unsure of what I was getting myself into, but sure I … Continue reading 35

I have been cruel to my body. I have overfed it and starved it down. I have pushed it and poked and prodded. I have fed it laxatives when it asked for love. I have injured and ignored it. I’ve berated it for what it couldn’t do. Decried what it looked like even as it … Continue reading War in my Bones

I was seventeen. I’m not sure that’s true, but I’ve decided I was seventeen because it seems like it makes sense when I think back on those halcyon last days of high school. I was a girl, not even almost a woman, but I didn’t know that yet. Nor did he. Or maybe he didn’t … Continue reading Almost

The truth is, I limped into the new year. I got there. But I arrived head bowed and exhausted, pulling myself across the finish line on my belly and elbows. I’ve been working. Building. The last two years have felt like laying the foundation for the next part of my life, and all the back … Continue reading Happy New Year

He comes to me in the hungry hours, lean and starving, his want sizzling like electricity. It’s snarling and ferocious, a beast he leashes and brings to my feet like a present, like I should coo in reverence at the wildness he’s tamed for me. It breathes heavy on my neck, the heat making my … Continue reading Feasting on the Bones

I was pacing the floor the way I tended to when we spoke, as though I had to walk the energy from of hearing his voice out of my body. "Have you ever seen Serendipity?" he asks me out of the blue. "Mm, no. You know I don't really love romantic comedies." "You should see … Continue reading Serendipity

It feels ungrateful to admit how fucking exhausted I am. Because there was a time I prayed for the life I have now. When, deep in the throes of depression, I pleaded with whatever gods were listening to pull me from under the crushing weight of a job that wasn’t going anywhere, codependent relationships, inequitable … Continue reading Go for Broke

“Hey.” He says it on an exhale the way he always has; as though he’s been holding on to it, trapping it in his mouth, until it flings itself free into the space beyond his teeth. “Hi.” This is a game of chicken. One we always play. Him feeling me out, me refusing to be … Continue reading Daddy Lessons