We All Try

My fingers ache. I’ve been subconsciously clutching my fists so tight that my nails leave tiny purple-red crescent moons in the skin of my palm. I’ve been sleeping with the TV on. The pale blue light feels comforting, like moonlight stretching shards across the darkness. I hate sleeping with the TV on. Sometimes I listen … Continue reading We All Try


Mykonos, GreeceJune 2016I find God in the water.From the moment the water curls up the shore and hits my toes, I feel my life lifting off me. I wade in up to my waist, the water cool and refreshing and an impossible blue. I let a salty wave scoop me up in its palm and float. … Continue reading Baptism


I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if I stop moving I'll fall apart.So, I don't.I work. I work more than any human should. I work when I don't need to. I work to a level that is not required and satisfy objectives that are not asked of me.And I clean. I vacuum … Continue reading Move.

Dirty 30

I was 25 before I finally admitted how fucking miserable I was. How the years of just surviving, of barely making it, of scraping by, had made me weary down to my bones. How badly the heartbreak had made me equal parts hard and fragile.The admission itself was hard. It felt like a spectacular failure; … Continue reading Dirty 30


I keep pretending I don't know why I can't sleep.I know.I've known for awhile.I've just found it easier to pretend it’s work (sometimes it is) or family affairs (sometimes it's that too) or just general dismay at the stark contrast between my life as I want it and as I live it (many times it’s … Continue reading undun.

Crown me King

At my core, I am a tactician. I am shrewd. I can, if I choose, deftly manipulate circumstances. I make calculated plans and I execute them. My plans are flawless, and my maneuvering around and in between the places that inevitably fall apart is astounding. If I were not me, I would be invariably impressed … Continue reading Crown me King