Push and Pull

He caught me at a weak moment and he knows it.I am tired- weary, really- worn down by scaling mountains of work and managing my bad decisions. So when he calls me and says he's in town and coming over and cooking, I know he only does so because he knows I don't have the … Continue reading Push and Pull

Dirty 30

I was 25 before I finally admitted how fucking miserable I was. How the years of just surviving, of barely making it, of scraping by, had made me weary down to my bones. How badly the heartbreak had made me equal parts hard and fragile.The admission itself was hard. It felt like a spectacular failure; … Continue reading Dirty 30

Take the Box

It all goes in the box.The particular cadence of my name on his tongue. All the years of inside jokes and the steady stream of laughter. The signature curvature of his smile. The music we once traded across the distance. The way he likes his eggs.It all goes in the box.The comfortable tangle of my … Continue reading Take the Box

M-ssing

Something is missing.This is my last thought before I go to sleep. It hangs over the bed, turning the air around it crisp and cool. I toss and turn underneath it all night.Something is missing.This is my first thought when I wake up in the morning. My eyelashes have barely left their perch atop my … Continue reading M-ssing

6

I don’t realize it until probably the fourth time I wipe off and reapply the same sheer lip gloss; I’m nervous. Nervousness is just one of many emotions I am not adept at managing, as I am generally not prone to it. But here it is, uninvited and rude, ricocheting around my stomach and filling … Continue reading 6

undun.

I keep pretending I don't know why I can't sleep.I know.I've known for awhile.I've just found it easier to pretend it’s work (sometimes it is) or family affairs (sometimes it's that too) or just general dismay at the stark contrast between my life as I want it and as I live it (many times it’s … Continue reading undun.

Closer

Let’s face it; I am a person that thrives on distance.I move far away. Repeatedly. I leave all the sentimental things that matter to me, and a few belongings that don’t, in storage in a city where I am not a resident at the mercy of an ex who hates me and loves me in … Continue reading Closer

Fix You

(day 29 of 30 in 30)I have a difficult relationship with being “fixed.”It goes without saying, I believe, that I could certainly use some fixing. And lord knows I could use some guidance or support while fixing. But I have never been particularly fond of the idea of letting someone else “fix me.”Saviors usually get … Continue reading Fix You