I decided to exercise the ability to early vote so I didn’t spend all my good sex years in line at the polls. I was expecting to spend a couple hours there, especially considering the foolishness that was the primaries, but to my surprise, I was in and out in about 20-30 minutes, even at the height of lunch hour. (If you’re in Houston and in Harris County, go to the Ponderosa Fire Station!) However, part of me wished I’d stayed longer because surely I would have gotten to see more foolishness and mayhem…
10 Things You’re Likely to see During Texas Early Voting
2. The woman who comes inside the polling station with A PARROT on her shoulder.
3. A tiny mother of 2 of the cutest, blondest tykes ever… whipping her head around and exclaiming, “THAT’S MY SHIT!!!” when an SUV rolls by blaring Bun B “That’s Gangster”. Yes. I am in fact putting in my application to be her new best friend.
4. Black folks detailing the many ways they plan to get out of going to work November 5th if Barack wins. This is why they don’t want to let niggas have nothing.
5. Little gangster grandmas. I.e. the little old lady who rolled up on my voting location in her wheelchair and, after being told she had to remove her Obama button, put up a fuss before saying, “I’ll take it off… but that won’t stop me from voting for him.” And then fussing at the young man behind her that says he is voting for McCain just because he is a Republican. She says, “I’m a lifelong Republican too, but even I know stupid when I see it.” She will be my backup new best friend.
6. The young black guy rolling up in a monster pick up truck… and then hustling around to the passenger side to help an elderly Hispanic woman out. Even better? In line he is voicing his support for Obama, and trying to relay the convo as best he can to his companion in broken spanish. The person in line that he is talking to assumes that she is supporting Obama too, at which point the guy says, “No she’s voting Republican. But she still deserves the chance to vote so I brought her with me.” Awesome.
7. A random White Man standing on his lawn while people park on the residential streets to get to the polling location that is muttering at all the Black and Brown people who walk by, assuming that they are all voting for Obama. He continues to do so until a rather large Hispanic man yells, “I’M A REPUBLICAN YOU DICK!!!”
White Man goes into his house.
8. A car full of young black girls that drives by the voting location, scowling at the (rather short) line. “Girl let’s go get some food and come back,” one of them says, before I have the chance to tell them I was in and out in about 20 minutes. We are SUCH an impatient people.
9. Someone swiping the lone Obama/Biden sign posted on someones lawn. People are taking this waaaaay too seriously.
10. People. Of all shapes, sizes, ages, and colors. Voting for all candidates. (I even met an independent). And in this reliably Republican state, that has to mean something incredibly remarkable about this election.
I just hope, that if somebody pulls some bullshit, we don’t lose that.
GO VOTE PEOPLE!!!!!