A few years ago a dear friend of mine lost the love of her life. She lost him so brutally, so early in the life they were building that just bearing witness to the retelling would take your breath away. At one point we walked along the water in LIC, talking like we weren’t surrounded … Continue reading But Live Too

I am not particularly religious. I believe deeply, profoundly in God. But it’s been a very long time since I practiced the religious rites of my youth. I was an early teen when I realized that I would not find the God I felt in my bones in the pews of a church. And much … Continue reading Messages

 I’m being a bit of a Parisienne cliche right now. I’m sitting at a small table on the sidewalk outside a cafe, watching people stroll by. I take tentative sips of steaming coffee between bites of pan au chocolat. It’s chilly out, enough to whip my cheeks into a faint pink but not enough … Continue reading Paris, 5:08pm

 I went all the way to Africa just for my body to quit on me.  That isn’t the whole truth. If I were telling the whole truth, I’d have to admit that I am more accessory than victim. But I tell stories for a living, sometimes even to myself.  There are details; excruciating pain, a … Continue reading i’m tired

I am one of those annoying “finish the year strong” people. I usually spend the last thirty days of any year planning for the year to come; cleaning and purging my apartment, making super detailed financial goals, game planning how best to position myself for what I want the next year of my career to … Continue reading Spiral Season

Darkness has swathed the room in inky blackness thick enough that- if I didn’t know I’d been staring into it for hours- would make me think my eyes were closed. It’s quiet but for the full throated chorus of insects. The quiet is a door. Ghosts enter and hang in the dark corners, heavy drapery … Continue reading The Haunting Hours

Nothing will ever prepare you for how sad it is to get better. There’s a particular kind of melancholy that arrives with unlearning and unpacking. In the end you’ll be better, sure, but there’s a miles-long stretch of grieving before you arrive. Perhaps without ever realizing it, your habits have been formed by your coping … Continue reading Dealing

I am living on extremes. I’m either not spending any money or spending stupidly. I’m working out everyday and eating well or spending hundreds on takeout from my couch. Nothing bothers me or everything bothers me. I’m highly productive or I’ve done nothing at all. I’m feeling super social or sitting in absolute silence for … Continue reading Poles

I do not have a lot of faith. I don’t mean religious faith, though the church and I stopped seeing eye to eye long ago. (Me and God are cool, though. Most of the time.) I mean, I simply don’t believe in things. I tend to need things I can see and touch and hear … Continue reading Big Swings